Two posts consecutively targeting men, I know, I will be termed a feminist or a man hater.
Although the topic will raise the eyebrows of the men but this mail is primarily for all the parents who raise their sons as the immortal Gods who need to be cherished and shooed away from all the mundane daily chores of a family life.
Recently I met a newly married young woman. I was expecting her to be on cloud nine, jubilant and brimming with happiness but I was in for a shock. She was depressed and disillusioned with married life and full of complaints about her husband
Quoting her verbatim “my husband doesn’t share the daily household chores with me (as he doesn’t know anything), he never even picks up his plates or gets water for himself, has no clue about family life and all the paraphernalia that comes along with being married, even I am working woman and I also come tired after a long day at office, should he not be helping me, and even if he offers to help a little my inlaws stop him’ etc she went on and on.
This conversation set my ever fertile mind to start toiling and I thought whose fault was it actually, the husbands or his parents.
The conscientious woman that I am, I put the entire blame of this on the parents.
Right from the time a daughter is born parents especially mothers start preparing her for her role and duties as a wife, mother, and daughter in law. She is taught cooking, household chores, given long lectures on relationships.
But tell me how many sons are prepared for their future roles? How many mothers teach their sons to be good husbands? How many sons get the training in household work, or maintaining multiple relations after marriage?
In today’s scenario when both the partners are working it is equal responsibility of both of them to share the household work. When the wife’s earning are at par with the husband and she is in no way secondary to her husband then why should she be the only one to work in the kitchen after a long tiring day at the office or manage the house all alone?
I think parents should realize that they not only have their duty to prepare their daughters for the future life but they also have an equally important duty towards their sons to guide them and train them for better husbands and fathers.
After all I have also been through the same treadmill. Even today if my husband tries to help me in daily chores or he comes home with some shopping for vegetables or fruits or he picks up this plates (I think my regular arguments and tiffs have changed him a little) my mother in law starts “tcch tcching” How can apple of her eye be forced to do such small job? So she comes running to help him.
So talking from my personal experience if I could get irritated by this behavior, any young woman will get.
I don’t claim to be an ideal mother (even I overlook so many faults of my son, whereas my daughter used to get long lectures over the same things) but I do try to teach him about relationships and how he should learn to appreciate the work done by others and I nag him a lot regarding his short temper or impatient behaviour. Most of the time I can be found telling him “learn to be patient, tolerant, appreciative , cooperative otherwise your wife will fight with you or she will blame me for your incompetence as a good husband.
we have a democratic country with special emphasis on equality and no discrimination on basis of sex in employment then why there should be sexual discrimination in preparation for one of the most important role of a human being i.e. of a family person?
all the parents please don’t discriminate between your sons and daughters and teach both of the same qualities of endurance, patience, understanding, adjustments and of course housekeeping.
And jaago all the boys if you want happy married life then learn to share your responsibilities in household work and of course maintaining relationships and incorporate all the qualities which you are looking for in your life partner, in yourself first.