Monday, August 31, 2009

DESTINY - - - YES OR NO ?????????

I often wonder from where did the God get his super efficient, 24x7 working ,diligent, uncorrupt administrative staff ( definitely not from India )?

And also his computers must be having unbelievable configuration otherwise how it would be possible for him to have information about the whole universe of the past, present and also the future in his data base

The moment a life takes birth ,its each and every moment is monitored by him as he is the one who has got the ropes of each life in his hand. Everything that happens is as per his desire, his guidance and under his supervision.

I am sure even before the commencement of new life, God would be feeding all the success, failures, mood swings, personality traits, happenings, mis- happenings of the new life in his computers that is why we always say “it was destined” because everything is as per his wish and under his directions.

.I wonder how he manages to plan the whole cycle of the new life in such a meticulous manner. There is no scope for any breakdown or failures in his system.

There are many who don’t believe in destiny. They say there is nothing as destiny. every thing is in our own hand and they believe that by hard work we can change our destiny

But is it not possible that the changing of destiny was also predecided by the God? Or hard work done by us is also predetermined by him. Because he wants us to toil the soil, he wants some people to work day in day out and so they do it.

Is it not possible because we are destined to succeed that is why we work hard and aim towards success?
Whereas ,for some he has other plans that is why they are not hardworking or particular about certain things in the life.

Just for an example a student flunks in the exams. And he is condemned for his failure because of not studying. Is it possible that because it was destined that he will fail that is why he didn’t study?
Is it not possible that when God wants something to happen then he only manipulates the circumstances in such a way that everything becomes conducive for the happening of that particular event and vice versa?

If two persons are destined to meet, then the situations will automatically take twists and turns to see that the two persons unite. otherwise come what may they will not cross ways.

I am a strong believer of destiny and I may be wrong in my thinking. There will be many who will not subscribe to my thinking and they will have their own point of view. I am open to any reasoning and also have no reservations to change by way of thinking provided the arguments against destiny are strong enough and convincing.

And if I do change my thinking then I would say it was destined that I will be changing my views. ;-)

Friday, August 28, 2009


Few days back I read a novel where the husband and wife separates after 2-3 years of marriage. So before leaving they divide the things bought by them. As the husband had paid for the bed and mattress minus the pillows, the TV, the music system minus the high power speakers he took all of them whereas the wife was left with the pillows, speakers and TV trolley as she had paid for it

Then the other day I was talking to a young working couple. They described their house purchases to me. “Aunty I bought this and this and aunty other things he bought”.
Surprised at the way they were describing their shopping I asked them what did they mean by I bought or he bought.
Prompt came the reply, “for half the things I paid and rest he paid. Look aunty, suppose things don’t work out between us in future and we decide to separate then we don’t want to fight over petty issues over physical possession. That is why everything is divided equally between us. Household expenditure, shopping, outings etc etc

I was shocked here was a newly married couple just on the verge of starting their new life and they were already planning for separation. What happened to lifelong commitments, marriage vows, faith and confidence in each other? Have these values become thing of past or only to be read in the books?

No doubt what they were thinking was very practical and realistic. After all both of them are financially independent, educated, progressive young people belonging to this modern era and they have equal rights over the way they spend their money and if things really go out of hand and they are not able to live together then no one should face financial loss or be in a vulnerable position BUT

Aren’t they starting their life on shaky grounds, on doubts, with preset apprehensions about the permanency of the relation,? Any thing started with negativism will surely bring about more negativity in the relation. They are already preparing themselves for separation.

That means no thought is given by them on concepts like understanding, endurance, adjustments. It sounds more like a contract to me. If things work out we will remain together else TATA BYE BYE
A little argument, a little difference of opinion and they just go their own ways.

What happened to feeling of US. It is always you and me.

Isn’t marriage supposed to be union of two persons, two families from two different cultural values, backgrounds who try to come together as one being?

By giving too much emphasis to one’s own individuality, independence they are deviating from the basic foundation of married life which rests on trust, belongingness, feeling of togetherness, feeling of being WE.

I agree that by maintaining separate financial accounts, each one is free to spend as one wish and don’t have to account to other person for the expenses. Especially in Indian society many a times when the girl wants to do something for her family, there are objections from the boy or his family. This way she can support her family or gift them without facing the wrath of the inlaws.

The young couples practice these thoughts not only in financial matters but also at each step of their married life. My relatives your relatives, my dreams your dreams, my life your life and so forth. Till the realization of being as one unit, as being We or Us sinks in them the marriage will remain on rocky grounds.

I remember there was a dialogue in old hindi movie Kora Kaagaz, where after a long separation due to lots of misunderstandings when the couple meet suddenly , the wife asked, “was it was only my mistake “ and the husband replied, “ No, some of it was yours, some of it was mine and some of it was ours”

I am neither running a moral brigade nor am I in a position to pass value judgement on any body’s behavior ( after all we live in a democratic society) and every one has a right to lead his life as he wants.

But these were some of my doubts may be from a mother’s point of view or may be from a different generation (How I hate to be called as old fashioned or from different generation) but I just can’t help it. I am unable to adhere to these values, philosophy and thinking of individualism.

I strongly advocate that one should maintain one’s individuality, one’s privacy but not to such an extent as to jeopardize the institution of marriage whose basis is togetherness.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


Yesterday while travelling a local train I happen to overhear a conversation between a small child and her mother. (Yes, I know eavesdropping is bad and one should not do it but at times it is very stimulating and very informative and there are times when you just cannot avoid listening to what others are talking)

I was so much impressed by the questions asked by the young one and the way the mother was struggling to satisfy the curiosity of the child. There were times when I found the answers of the mother to be very weak and I could feel it in her tone but she was trying her best.

This is how the conversation took place. A is the daughter and B is the mother ( for my convenience)

A: Momma God is every where
B : Yes, beta he is omnipresent, found in each and every thing on this earth, living, non living, plants, animals
A: so mummy will you agree to that he is the creator,
B: Yes my child
A: then please tell me why do we pray to him?
B: GOD is that support system which gives us strength, hope, encouragement and confidence to face any obstacles in the life.
A: when he is the giver, he is the caretaker, then why do we ask him for things? He should know what we require?
B : true , but he has to take care of the whole universe, he is extremely busy. So there are chances that he may overlook us, or forget about us so we need to remind him
A: but when he is the supreme power who knows each and every thing that happens on the earth, everything that happens is as per his desires. Then why should we go on asking him to take care of us?
B: Look child I will give you an example, for a mother her child is the most precious thing in the world and her life revolves around her, but even then there are times when due to her work she may forget to feed the young child, then the child has to remind her to feed her by crying and he goes on crying till she gives him milk.
Similarly God also needs reminders now and again.
A: OK mom, you gave birth to me, you take care of me, I am your most precious possession and you don’t want to see me ever in pain or suffering. Right ? Now that God is the creator, he is responsible for the whole world then why does he give us pain, why did he make my friend cry when she lost her mother?
B: he gives us pain so that we should value the things which give us happiness; we should not take everything including him for granted. Pain and happiness both are integral part of life. Without one we cannot enjoy and feel the importance of other. And one should always remember that after night comes the day and vice versa. Similarly if he give us pain he will surely give us happiness.
A: that means if we are happy then we are surely to get hurt too.
The mother was speechless for a second
B : this is circle of life, nothing is permanent. This is why I always tell you to value all the comforts, all the facilities you have. You never know one day you may not have all of them.
A : But mumma, if God wants to take all this back then why give in first place. Why make us get used to a happy life and full of comforts and then let us suffer
(I was admiring the endurance of the mother who was patiently trying to answer every question of the child)
A: OK mummy tell me one more thing, why do you ,many times tell to God that if some wish of yours gets full filled , you will offer a coconut or some sweets to God, Do you offer him bribe or do you pay him for the wishes he grants you. That means even God is corrupt as he doesn’t fulfill your desires till you promise to give something in return. ( very smart question. hats off to the child for asking such a question)
B: ( trying very hard to answer and maintain her cool) this is our way of saying thanx to God for what ever he does for us.
A: A mere thank you will not suffice? And more over whatever we offer to God, it doesn’t reach him but either the pujari, or someone else takes it. Then why do we promise God to give something in return. We all are his children then he should do our work without expecting anything in return.
( the mother was visibly in a tight spot and was getting irritated by now)
A: ok tell me God is one, then why do we have so many Gods.
B: all the Gods are different names or faces of the same God.
A: if it is so, then why do we pray to different Gods on different days? Monday we go to Shiv temple, Tuesday we go to Ganpati, Thursday to Sai Baba, Friday to Mata Rani, Saturday to Hanumanji.
A : And Momma one more thing, if we all his children then why some are poor and some are rich, some are good looking and some are not so good looking? U always say that for a parent all the children are equal and no parent would ever differentiate between children then why does he do so?
My station had come so I had to get down. But I wonder how many more questions the child had in her store and how the mother was managing?
But this entire conversation did make me also think that all the questions asked by the child were relevant and were neither randomly asked nor thought about on the spur of the moment but she must have pondered over them over a period of time .
and I admired the perseverance of the motehr in quenching the thirst (clarification of her innumbearble doubts) of her child

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I was reading a novel in which one of the woman characters starts turning her 2 year old child against her husband and her family who had caused her business loss. So by the time the child is 8 years he is full of venom for everybody and he kills his father and goes out to take revenge from his relatives
Who was responsible for it? The mother, no doubt.

Parents ,are the ones who socialize, educate and nurture the children. How they will mould their gullible minds will determine what sort of adults they will turn out to be?

Very often husbands and wives in their fit of temper pass a comment in front of their children, “why did I marry?” (Very common) but ,they fail to realize the impact of such words on the impressionable minds of the children and they grow up believing that marriage is indeed something which causes unhappiness.

I was in for a shock when few days back in answer to one of my comments on male ego, my daughter said , Mummy please spare me your comments on male ego. This is your thinking, don’t press your views on me” I was stunned. I wondered if I was indeed poisoning her against men especially when she is on the threshold of marriage.

Many a bloggers who feel strongly about the pathetic conditions of women, their victimization by the hands of men, sexual discrimination, harassment etc write bold blogs on the same issue (even I express my views on such issues).

Sometimes I feel that although our intention is to highlight the status of women in our society, we want to talk about their rights but unconsciously are we not encouraging the younger generation to harbor wrong notions against the opposite sex.

Are we not inculcating a sense of fear amongst girls regarding marriage, regarding men in general?

I know we are trying to prepare them for the facts of life, we are showing them that life is not a bed of roses, we are preparing them to fights against injustice, raise their voice against inhuman attitudes of certain sects of our society.

But are we not scaring them?
I know all enlightened people are raising their voices against the atrocities being committed on women and the broad minded, pragmatic thinking young generation are intelligent enough not to generalize but then there are remote chances that some of them involuntarily start breeding hatred towards members of opposite sex.

There are tons and tons of jokes, sms against women as wives, as girlfriends which make fun of them, which show them as sex objects, or as persons with no brains, or the ones who always harass their husbands.

Is it not possible that when young boys read them, enjoy them and discuss it amongst their friends they are indirectly getting conditioned to regard woman in that light only. Won’t they enter into matrimony with these preconceived ideas about wives? And wont it affect their relations with their life partners?

Right from birth we start discriminating between sexes. Kitchen sets, sewing kits, dolls for girls, cars, mechanos, etc for boys

We have preset rules for girls and boys, different household duties for them.

Are we as adults not conditioning the children to fall into stereotyped roles?

We, as parents and adults differentiate between our sons and daughters in our own houses and then we are the ones who talk about gender inequalities in outside world.

It is up to us the parents especially the mothers to train the children right from childhood to respect the members of opposite sex, it is up to us to guide them in the right direction and path.

How we behave with our spouse, what sort of discussions we have amongst ourselves, what sort of values we will imbibe in their pliable minds will shape up their future and their adult life?

Moreover to an extent our religious scriptures, our old traditions, our TV serials and our movies all are responsible for this loathsome and irrational thinking of men and their attitude towards women.

And of course we adults as guides, as role models at times unintentionally misdirect our children be it sons or daughters in wrong directions.

i am all in favour of fighting against injustice towards any one , and I strongly condemn the atrocities and violence caused to women but my only apprhension is all this should not have any negative influnece on younger generation. rather they should think objectively and look at the things in a rational manner and follow what is good for them and for others also and we should try to tell the young ones that we are raising our voice against some of the malpractices of the society and they should not adopt those in their lives but take lessons from them

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Thank God I was not born in Afghanistan

In a U-turn, Karzai signs ‘rape law’ Men Can Deny Food To Wife Who Says No To Sex
shouts today's TOI

I am infuriated and stunned to the point of have become speechless. My anger has taken toll over my senses and am just unable to find words to express my rage towards the men and my sympathies with the member of my own sex in Afghanistan

How can such a law be passed? How can someone be so insensitive towards the women?

Is the condition of women out there so bad? This law clearly shows that woman has no say in sexual act? Is she expected to be a robot or a machine (with no emotions and desires?) How can the men deny food or basic subsistence to the lady who is the mother of their children, who takes care of their house, takes care of the husbands and their families? That means she is at the mercy of the men for her basic needs. She is so helpless that she cannot even satisfy her hunger without the permission of her husband

I literally wants to say "Ghar mein maa behan nahi hai kya?" (Don’t they have mothers and sisters at home?) Will the same law be applicable to them also or is it restricted to wives only. But then every woman is a sister and mother. That means men in Afghanistan have no feelings, no respect for their own sisters and mothers?

Moreover the second part of the law says “ blood compensation to be paid for the injury caused to the victim during the act of rape to avoid prosecution)

I am sure the men there would be feeling very magnanimous after passing such a law. No consideration for the emotional, social suffering caused to woman, just a monetary compensation for the physical injury caused.? just pay some money and you are releived of your guilt, crime ?

I just want to know how they will calculate the injury caused. Will it be based on how many scratches she has got, or the amount of blood she shed?

If the women are considered to be weaker section of the society then is it not the duty of the superior strata to take care of them?

I am sure no religion would advocate that vulnerable people, helpless people should be taken advantage of, rather as per my knowledge all the religions of the world preach that women who is the very foundation of this society, without whom this world was not possible, who is the one who brings the men in this world , who rears them with her own blood should be respected and given equal importance

I am no authority on any religion but I just goggled and found out that even Quran considers woman to be at par with men.

I hope no men in India have read this otherwise I just dread what the condition of members of my sex who are already victims of sexual discrimination would be like (as it is very easy to adopt the negative things after all they are more attractive)
I just wish :
That some miracle happnes and no woman is condemned to such a derogatory state.

That some social reformers gear up enough courage to fight against such victimization against women in Afghanistan and anywhere else too, where women are being subjected to such atrocities by the hand of some of the men.

And men (who think that woman deserves to be respected and should be given their due as human beings) and women all over world join together to lend their support to the sufferers and fight against the injustice being meted out to their fellow beings.

Friday, August 14, 2009


After so many thought provoking, debatable/controversial and serious posts, I thought I will try my hand with something which may bring smile on someone’s face or bring him out of his somber state. So here comes a somewhat light, humorous (I hope so) flow from my otherwise confused mind, just to prove that I do have a sense of humor and can find pleasure from small tit bits of day to day life.
So here I go
There are certain questions which we ask regularly to show our politeness, our etiquettes and our culture. But do we really expect an answer to those questions?
Ever wondered if instead of the usual, stereotyped, routine answers to the same old question we come up with some thing different? Just imagine the situations and some off the mark answers.
Here I have given some usual questions and my answers to them (How I wish I could give the answers in reality in real life situations) but I live in a Hippocratic society where certain norms and standards are expected and I have to bow down to acceptable norms of life.
So here are some common questions and their permissible and expected answers in brackets and in bold letters fragmentation of my brain cells
How are you? (I am good) I am not good / I am not well / I am not O K /better than you

How is your health? ( Ok/ fine) Oh! I have severe stomach upset, my knees are paining, my sugar is very high, I am having loose motions, or I am having gas problem

Take care. (thanx. You too) Thanx for reminding me to take care otherwise I would not have done so/ you please don’t take care

In a shopping mall, oh what are you doing here? (shopping) I have come to play cricket

Ok , You have come for shopping (ofcourse ) No, I have come to lift some things if I get the chance

In a restaurant in the evening, Come for dinner (yes ) No. will wait for the breakfast/ No, will just watch others eating.

While eating “Eating food) ( yeah ) no, playing with them or just waiting the food to turn back to its basic ingredients

when some one is sleeping (very common with husband and wife)
Are you sleeping? (Pray tell me if the other person is sleeping how will he answer?) if awake then no trying to eat the mattress or trying to dance while lying on the mattress.

In a doctors Clinic, “come to see the dr. Some one is ill? (yes) No, came for a walk and thought may be the doctor has changed his profession and may be he is selling saris

You are reading and the person asks you what are you doing? ( yeah reading a book) Feeling hungry so thought that will try the taste of the books

In your living room you are just sitting, what are you doing? (just sitting) I am trying to swim

Or we just to start a conversation we often say, Hey what’s happening or Kya chal raha hai (kuch nahi, nothing ) fan, computer, AC, TV sab chal raha hai, sirf car nahi chal rahi, or nothing is happening, everything is dead

Or what is new in life? ( Same old life same old routine) oh I got a new shirt, new maid servant, new soap or something like that

There could be variety of such funny questions with equally funny answers.

So now any body who has managed to read the churned out ruminations of my thoughts then do share what will be your answers in such situations or if you could share some of the other equally funny questions with their funnier answers.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Hypocrisy the other name of life.

To me hypocrisy means play acting and doing something which you actually don’t want to do but you do for some or the other reasons and then we all say we hate hypocrisy and hypocrites too. Don’t we?
A small incidence which happened with me
1. A couple of days back we lost a not so distant relative because of cancer. Early in the morning we rushed to their house. Although me and my husband were bit reluctant to go, as both of us thought that when the deceased was alive and suffering we never bothered to visit him or even call him and enquire about his health and now when he is no more what purpose will our going there serve? But then we had invasions of thought like what the people will say? Or it will not look good etc and succumbing to silent yet powerful societal pressures we went.
2 As expected the whole family was grieving. We couldn’t bear the pain of the wife who had lost her life partner after being with him for almost 60 years or the dazed look on the faces of children and grandchildren. My father in law being the eldest in the family consoled every one and the immediate family stopped crying and we all sat down to pay our respects to the departed soul. As soon as a new group of relatives entered the room ,much to my surprise the seemingly calmed down family again started howling at the top of their voices and again the same cycle of consoling and supporting each other continued.
3. There was some delay in the funeral procession to start. So all the people gathered there were busy chitchatting, discussing all the possible topics on the earth, share market, marriage, swine flu, movies. As the time progressed people became impatient, “getting late for office, my maid servant will go, why are they taking so long”? And similar sentences floated in the air.
4. Came the day of mourning service or prayers for the deceased. Relatives from different cities started pouring in, so the family of the deceased got busy in making arrangements for the stay, food and other facilities of all the relatives who were coming for the final rites. While the final rites were being carried out, some of the members were busy (hiding from all peeping eyes) on their cell phones and discussing about their business meetings or calling other relatives and fixing up appointments for next meetings ( after all they had spent so much in terms of money and time to come to Bombay then why not meet other relatives too or do a little of business )
5. Not only that, each and every person who came made sure that the family members of the deceased saw them. And their presence was registered in their memories.
Formalities over and everyone went back to their routines without even glancing back at the grieving family.
Now some thoughts which erupted like a volcano in my mind and played havoc
1. Why were we all so much concerned about society? Why everyone including me did go there when actually we were not so much aggrieved as the immediate family? I know to pay our respects, for family relations, to lend our support. But why at that moment only?
2. When he was alive we never enquired about his health then why did we go now. Just to show the society or the relatives and to be called very considerate?
3. The pain of family members is understandable but then why there was a public exhibition of their grief. Why show off to everyone coming there that they were grieving. Is howling the only way of showing to the world that they have lost some one? Does that means a person who can’t cry is immune to the dreaded demon, death? There are people who are not able to express their pain, does it mean that they are immune to harsh realities of life or they were not attached to the deceased?
4. We all attend the funeral services and then afterwards forget about the family. How many bother to take care of the family after everything is over? Do we ever go back to the family and ask them how they are coping up with the loss or do they need anything? Is the wife able to shoulder the financial responsibilities of the family? whether the children have become emotionally stable? No, I don’t think so. Once the formal visit is over we are also done with the family. Let them live as they want.
5. Instead of crowding in large groups immediately after death, why can’t we visit them in turns and spend some time with them and help them overcome their loss?
6. The family has already lost some close one and then on top of it they have to make staying and food arrangements for all the relatives who are coming from other cities. The family has not only lost a life and now why do they have to spend huge amounts for the comforts of the people who will come to attend the prayer service. Why?
Doesn’t all this fall in the category of being hypocrites or having double standards?
I think all humans are hypocrites; the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest HYPOCRISY. And though I hate to admit but then even I am also one.
Because I may like so many others raise my voice against all these double standards or show offs ,will do my official duties as a member of society, a member of family and then like so many others then turn my back and forget about it and go back to my worldly chores. Rightly said by some one “Whatever you condemn, you have done yourself”
After all this is the way of life. Life goes on. People crib, comment, criticizes, pass value judgment on other’s behavior as they are very inclined to set moral standards for others and then they themselves fall prey to all that.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

B +

B Positive is not my blood group but Be positive is in my blood
I got hooked to this quotation the day I read it and let it flow in my blood stream with my O+ blood
This became so much a part of my life that I started looking for positivity in every one’s behavior as a result my near ones started accusing me of justifying others behaviors and acts, I was even blamed for being partial towards others and ignoring my closed one. What they failed to realize was that I was letting my positive attitude rule over me and I was trying to find positivity in everything. And of course intentionally I was trying to rub off my thinking on them but little did I realize that I was failing in my endeavors. And they were succeeding in transfusing my blood with their negativity. Because in today’s world it is convenient and easy for evil to win

But having faith in the saying that truth, goodness, positive traits always win, I still let positive thought flow in my blood most of the time.
But to err is human, and I am a vulnerable human being, who gets easily swayed by happenings around me. I know that negativity breeds negativity and I always try to resist them But sometimes the circumstances are such that one thing leads to another and suddenly I find myself engulfed with negative thoughts which in turn leads to negative acts which adds fuel to already poisoned atmosphere and the result is a vicious non ending chain
We all know that a pessimistic attitude is detrimental to our success but even then most of us nurture this like a cherished child
JAB HUM DIL SE KISI CHIZ KO CHAHTE HAI TO PURI KAYNATH JUT JAATI HAI VO CHIZ HASSAIL KARANE MEIN. ( when we want something with determination then the whole world joins together to see that we get it)How true
If you are happy, have happy thoughts then you find happiness all around you. Certain acts which tilt more towards negativity, even they become your strength and you can derive happiness from them because your system gets used to happiness and you find the whole atmosphere bubbling with joy. similarly when you are angry your whole surrounding gets enveloped with your anger and your stress and you start finding faults in everything around you and which in turn effects your relations to the point of breaking.
So it just happened that the other day before sleeping I got one bad news which didn’t let me sleep the whole night. And I just prayed that I should not get more bad news but then law of attraction does exist. One bad news, one negative thought pulls another one like a magnet and before I could wash the effects of the shattering news something happened in the morning which caused me lots of stress and by the time sun was showing its full strength came another shocking news. I just waited for some good news strong enough to wash away the remains of day’s happenings.
At that time, I realized that to sway the mood from happiness, from positive thinking to negative a small incidence can suffice but to change from negativity to positivity a tornado is essential. Such is the effect of negativism.
There are times when talking about positive attitude and looking for positivity in certain situations sound so hypocritical to me that I feel ashamed of my attitude…..
Imagine talking about searching for something good, something positive to a person, who has just lost a job, or a wife who has had a severe tiff with her husband, or a student who has flunked in his exams, or a person who is finding difficult to adjust to certain situation. How can you console someone who has lost his riches, or a relation?
How can you talk about positive attitude to a person who is helplessly witnessing his breaking relation with his near ones?
Talking about finding some purpose behind it or talking about positivity or letting the all mighty take over doesn’t solve the problems .Rather the sufferer gets the idea that other person is being superficial or offering only lip service. He doesn’t realize the efforts the other person is making to pull him out of the tricky situations or trying to give him some solace through his verbal support.
But such are the ways of life. And at such times I really wonder what is the point in having a Be positive attitude if it becomes a stumbling block in keeping relations

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


A lady was cleaning the room with a disinfectant, and suddenly she rushed to open the door leaving the bottle on the floor itself. Her 1 year old child waking up from his sleep came running and without realizing what is in the bottle drank it. And as expected he became sick and succumbed to death because of the poisonous chemical which he had taken by mistake
The whole family, relatives and neighborhood blamed the mother, called her various names, and left no stones unturned to make her life miserable because a life was lost because of her carelessness.

Even the mother was blaming her self and admitting the responsibilty for the loss of her child and she was ready for any punishment either by the law or the society itself. She was completely shattered

But the husband stood like a rock behind his wife, like a pillar on her side and like a punch bag absorbing the shock which was being meted out his wife. Someone asked him, how he can be so cool, forgiving and generous towards his wife who was responsible for the loss of his only child?

I was stunned by the reply given by the husband and I would like to share it with all. He said, “How can I say anything to her,
1. This was not her fault at all. She was not aware that the child will wake up and will drink the disinfectant.
2. No parent in his/her senses would consciously or even unconsciously do something which will cost his /her child’s life. It is not a question whether it is the only child or one amongst many. She did not do this intentionally.
3. She is already suffering. It is not that she is happy with what has happened. By abusing her or calling her names or making her feel guilty why increase her pain more?
4. Her loss is more than anyone else’s. her loss is inconsolable She is the mother. She has lost her child. Nothing in the world can compensate for the loss .She has to bear the pain all through her life. I will go to office and under pressure of my work I will overcome the grief but she will be at home the whole day. She will be the one who will have to take care of all his things, toys, his personal belongings etc. she will be missing him more than any one else.
5. We are a family. We both have lost our child and it is a joint pain which we both have to come to terms with. We have taken the vows to be with each other in all walks of life so how can I desert her at this stage when she needs my support the most? So how can I or any one blame her”

I would say hats off to such an understanding, caring and loving husband.

God forbids any thing similar happens in our life then how many of us would have thought in these lines? I am sure most of us would jump at the first chance to blame someone for anything which doesn’t give us satisfaction or which causes pain to us. It is so easy to relive oneself from shouldering the responsibility and make some innocent persons guilty

It is a very common to find husbands blaming their wives for anything that happens in the house, be it child’s failure, business loss, sickness in the family or any other crisis. The wife is held responsible for all the mishappenings in the family BUT rarely she will be praised or her contribution would be acknowledged if something commendable happens in the family.

Why don’t they realize that no woman/wife/mother will do anything which would be detrimental to the peace of the family? She will neither obstruct the growth of her loved ones nor will she ever dream of causing pain to any family member.

I think we must all learn a lesson from this gentleman who deserves a standing ovation for his thoughtfulness, his humane nature, his considerate and positive attitude and his feelings for his wife.