USUAL V/S UNUSUAL

After so many thought provoking, debatable/controversial and serious posts, I thought I will try my hand with something which may bring smile on someone’s face or bring him out of his somber state. So here comes a somewhat light, humorous (I hope so) flow from my otherwise confused mind, just to prove that I do have a sense of humor and can find pleasure from small tit bits of day to day life.
So here I go
There are certain questions which we ask regularly to show our politeness, our etiquettes and our culture. But do we really expect an answer to those questions?
Ever wondered if instead of the usual, stereotyped, routine answers to the same old question we come up with some thing different? Just imagine the situations and some off the mark answers.
Here I have given some usual questions and my answers to them (How I wish I could give the answers in reality in real life situations) but I live in a Hippocratic society where certain norms and standards are expected and I have to bow down to acceptable norms of life.
So here are some common questions and their permissible and expected answers in brackets and in bold letters fragmentation of my brain cells
How are you? (I am good) I am not good / I am not well / I am not O K /better than you

How is your health? ( Ok/ fine) Oh! I have severe stomach upset, my knees are paining, my sugar is very high, I am having loose motions, or I am having gas problem

Take care. (thanx. You too) Thanx for reminding me to take care otherwise I would not have done so/ you please don’t take care

In a shopping mall, oh what are you doing here? (shopping) I have come to play cricket

Ok , You have come for shopping (ofcourse ) No, I have come to lift some things if I get the chance

In a restaurant in the evening, Come for dinner (yes ) No. will wait for the breakfast/ No, will just watch others eating.

While eating “Eating food) ( yeah ) no, playing with them or just waiting the food to turn back to its basic ingredients

when some one is sleeping (very common with husband and wife)
Are you sleeping? (Pray tell me if the other person is sleeping how will he answer?) if awake then no trying to eat the mattress or trying to dance while lying on the mattress.

In a doctors Clinic, “come to see the dr. Some one is ill? (yes) No, came for a walk and thought may be the doctor has changed his profession and may be he is selling saris

You are reading and the person asks you what are you doing? ( yeah reading a book) Feeling hungry so thought that will try the taste of the books

In your living room you are just sitting, what are you doing? (just sitting) I am trying to swim

Or we just to start a conversation we often say, Hey what’s happening or Kya chal raha hai (kuch nahi, nothing ) fan, computer, AC, TV sab chal raha hai, sirf car nahi chal rahi, or nothing is happening, everything is dead

Or what is new in life? ( Same old life same old routine) oh I got a new shirt, new maid servant, new soap or something like that

There could be variety of such funny questions with equally funny answers.

So now any body who has managed to read the churned out ruminations of my thoughts then do share what will be your answers in such situations or if you could share some of the other equally funny questions with their funnier answers.
HAPPY BRAIN STORMING