I was watching a TV serial in which the stereotype scenes were being enacted.
Son wants to get married to a girl of his choice. Parents are against it.
Parents ,” Kya isiliye tereko itna bada kiya tha?,tujhse yeh umeed na thi.(. We didn’t raise you to expect such a behavior from you)
Son wants to go abroad for further studies / or live separately with his wife. Main thing is he is planning to set up his life away from his parents
This was enough to give all the meals in one stroke to my always starving mind
Lots of questions (as usual, I specialize in raising many doubts, confusing questions)
1. Do we, the parents, give birth to our children with this expectation that they will obey us all through their life, will listen to us?
2. Have we given birth to them to fulfill our unrealized dreams?
3. Do we want them to suppress their desires, dreams, and ambitions to be with us always?
4. Is it right on the part of the parents to demand that the child should marry according to their choice or is it right on the part of the child to ignore his parent’s wish and go ahead with his own feelings?
5. Does a relation which is only few months or few years old becomes so powerful that the child is ready to rebel against a relation which is more than 20 years old?
6. Is it right on the part of the father to expect his son to follow his (father’s well established profession? Did the father start his career with this aim that his offspring will take over from him or did he want to further his own career, ambitions and make a name for himself?
7. What are the duties and responsibilities of the children towards their parents? Although there are no set norms or rules for the children to follow but should they not think about their parents who are responsible for their very existence and who have sacrificed a lot to provide the best of comforts to the child? Should the children not see to it that their parents are properly looked after, loved, respected and taken care of the way the parents had done when the children were small?
8. Do the parents give birth to children and raise them with the expectation that the children will look after them in old age?
9. Don’t we , the parents, have children because we want to fulfill our parental instincts, because we want to shower our love and affection to our offspring, to provide the best of life to them, we want to give meaning to our life, to have something and someone to look forward to ( all selfish reasons on the part of the parents)? The children didn’t ask the parents for anything. They never said give birth to us? we do it because we want to do it.
10. And if it is so, then why do parents want children to sacrifice their life for parents. Are they asking for repayment of the sacrifices they made in bringing up their children?
11. But is it wrong on parent’s part to expect some consideration from children? Should the children not feel thankful to their parents for what they have become in life? Should they not feel any moral duty or obligation towards the parents?
12. When parents don't want to let go their independence, their authority to make decisions how can they not expect the same feelings from their children?
These are some of the doubts which may be there in the minds of both the sides
It is possible that so many people find my questions funny, irrelevant
but these are the harsh realities of life which everyone has to face and I suppose both the sides have to make some compromises, adjustments so that each emerges out satisfied without making undue demands on anyone or ignoring other.
I am waiting for some answers to my musings. hopefully someone will surely clear my doubts and put my mind to rest.