Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Father dear father

With the rising sun came the voice on FM radio.”Today 6th of May ------ and hearing this suddenly I got out of my trance and said that means tomorrow is 7th May. How could I forget it?
7th May (my dad’s birth anniversary) has got nostalgic emotions for me. This was the day many years back when I first held a real rose flower bouquet in my hand. For me 7th May and fruit cream, tandoori roti and of course the most delectable alu ki sabzi (made by my dad with lots of ghee and tons of love), I have ever had are synonyms of each other. I can never think of 7th May without all these. And how much hard I try I can never make half as tasty alu ki sabzi as the ones I have had countless number of times and after marriage most of my summer vacations ( till my daughter entered her X) were planned so that I could be there in Delhi with my dad on this day.

While I was having a memorable journey in the bygone days and remembering one of the best fathers a girl can have, flashed an apt advertisement (to the emotions I was experiencing )on one of the channels of TV

It showed a Bride and groom walking down the aisle and suddenly the girl stumbles upon something and she is about to fall but the groom saves her from falling and holds her in his arms. And next shot is of the father who is watching the whole thing. And suddenly he goes back in flash back and remembers how he used to save his daughter from falling in similar situations. Then again the camera is flashed on father’s face. The longing, concern, love and affection is very beautifully shown on his face. For a second he steps forward then stops himself and lets the groom help his daughter. And then he pats the boy and smiles. And then follow the publicity of the product which I just ignored.

Watching this like any mother who sees or reads anything remotely concerned with daughter’s marriage, tears veiled in my eyes. And I started relating and dreaming of my loved one’s marriage. But simultaneously I was engulfed with many thoughts of my relation with my father and father and daughter’s relation in general

As the women are more expressive and demonstrative, much has been written and known about their feelings, emotions and expressions with relation to her children but very little attention is paid to the inner turmoil of father (he is supposed to be the strong one in the family after all)

I wondered how a father feels when his beautiful princess gets married. Right from the moment the daughter is born, most of the fathers develop parental neurosis i.e. they become afraid that his precious girl may go ashtray. They feel that it their duty to impose rules about dating and whom she will date, what company will she keep etc etc.

A Father is always afraid that some boy will take advantage of his cherished one. He wants to monitor each and every moment of his treasure.

Then how he must be feeling when he himself gives away his daughter to some stranger happily? (Although it is a known fact in a father’s eye no boy is worth his revered one and no one can be compared to his dear daughter).

Like the father in the advertisement every father must be feeling reluctant to let go his daughter and must be undergoing many apprehensions whether the boy for his dear one will take care of her or not, whether he is the right choice or not. And then with heavy heart he allows some unknown person to drive away his apple of eye in another world away from him . How he must be feeling to realise that now onwards his place in his loved one's life will become secondary and some one else will be there to take care of each and every need of hers and protect her from all the misgivings?

Even my father must have felt the same when I got married ( after all I was his laadli beti) and I am sure my husband will be feeling the same ( someone out there please take a note of this).Like my husband who thinks that his daughter is the best ,even my father must have felt the same.

I distinctly remember him asking me after I received my first letter from my husband, “did he write good letter? Actually he meant was it a letter dripping with love.

If he had his way he would have loved to read all my letters (although I let him read one or two to quench his curiosity)

I am very lucky to have had nurturance from my dad. He was the one who encouraged me to be adventurous; he introduced me to the word of reading, music that too gazals, playing cards and so many other things. His presence always gave me the confidence to go anywhere in the world and meet complete strangers with ease.

Many a times while dealing with my children I have tried to analyse my father’s reaction in similar situation and then I have corrected myself.

Two things which I can never forget about my father is (1)his confidence in all his children and telling my brother and sisters and ofcourse me ,“come and tell me yourself if you have done anything which you should not have done. So that when some outsider tells me about your act I should be able to say it with confidence that I know about it” (2) his optimistic and positive attitude in any crisis.
I always try to copy him, his attitude, his style in my life and especially with my childern. I hope my way of dealing with situations in life meets with his approval and he feels proud of me wherever he is.


Ms. Neha Gandhi said...

this one is so overwhelming.i think my eyes are wet :(
The father-daughter relationship is something least talked about and one of the most incomprehensible.
Love your post... :) muah mumma...

AMIT said...

This one is really nice sasu maa....... I have heard a lot about papaji and this post added so much more to it. I wish him a very happy bday and thank him for the wonderful 24 F family.

Mad Blogger said...

The post indicates how much attached u r to ur dad... Beautifully written

arshat.chaudhary said...

Ah.. lovely post.. I was smiling as I went through the post..
"(although I let him read one or two to quench his curiosity)" hehehe.. cute..

Zeba Talkhani said...

This is so well written. I feel the same about my dad. We never talk about it though, but I know I am his favourite!! haha..

We have talked about marriage, my studies, my living away from family for my studies, but we never disscussed it in such a way. He calls up everyday and it is very reassuring to talk to him. After reading this I am missing him a lot!

Milan said...

Anju masi, Papaji was a great man and no-one can ever fill his shoes. His demise left a big hole in my heart. I remember him all the time

Gayathri said...

Hey this one was really too too eyes are getting wet reading them..felt like u were speaking my tongue..donno how my dad is gonna feel when i get married,but rest of the father-daughter relationship u had portrayed is just the same as dad's encouragement to do whatever i feel is right,to be adventurous,to meet and talk strangers,to speak out confidently,to be frank,..huh!!the more i speak abt it,the more im getting stuck with it..oh my god,i love my dad sooo much.. :)
lol,totally out of context im talking right..sorry :D

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