Put your loved one’s mind at rest—adopt ICE

to save your near and dear ones some agonizing moments in times of emergency
please adopt IN CASE OF EMERGENCY ICE , store the numbers of all your closes ones who should be contacted in case of emergency in your mobile numbers under the name of ICE
ICE 1, ICE 2, ICE 3 ( in case of more than one contact numbers)


http://bit.ly/8VrrWM

Is Academic degree the only needed educations?

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/29/is-academic-degree-the-only-needed-educations/


http://bit.ly/4WtNEG

who is more lucky-- parens with one child or parents with more than one child

my blogging friends
do read my views on this burning topic and
please share your reflections on the same


http://bit.ly/7g8IsU

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/who-is-more-lucky-parents-with-one-child-or-paretns-with-more-than-one/

A TOUGH CHOICE

pl read my new post at the following URL


http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/19/a-tough-choice/

I LUST AFTER--------------

I know all my blogging buddies will surely read my new post at will definitely share their views about the same.
pl dont disappoint me

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/i-lust-after/

GHAR JAWAI A TAG TO BE ASHAMED OF????

pl read my reflection on the following link

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/ghar-jawai-a-tag-to-be-ashamed-of/

and dont forget to leave your impressions about the same

requesting you to continue your visit on my new URL

I have moved to wordpress.
please copy the following URL in your favourites /followers list and do visit me there also
the blogging friendship which started from this site should not end now
although my address has changed but I am the same
so pl continue visiting me there too
http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/

Tattoos– symbol of Power/ fashion ?

pl read my latest post on the following URL and don't forget to leave your reflections behind

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/tattoos-symbol-of-power-fashion/

MEN V/S WOMEN

Pl visit my new post at the following address

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/12/02/men-vs-women/

Security/medical checks at International Airport —– a farce

Hi,
As I have moved to Wordpress
please go to the following link and read my new post and do not forget to leave your comments behind

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/11/28/securitymedical-checks-at-international-airport-a-farce/

KURBAAN--- ANTI MUSLIMS???

I have posted my views on Karan Johar's Kurbaan on the following link

do visit this link and share your views on the same

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/kurbaan-anti-muslims/

pl visit my new post and don't forget to leave your imprints behind

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/a-perfect-relation

WHY MARRIAGE?????????

HI
http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/11/16/why-marriage/
here is the link to my new post and i will look forward to your views and commets on it

IS IT LOVE???????

pl read my new post at the follwing link and dont forget to leave your comments.

your every comment, reflections is the motivational force for my brain cells

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/IS%20IT%20LOVE

what is love?

hi

do visit my new post at

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/what-is-love

A CONFLICTING SITUTATION

Hi every body

as i have moved to wordpress

please go through my following post at the url given and do leave your reflections

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/10/25/a-conflicting-situation/

my first post from boston

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/10/21/my-first-post-from-boston/

happy diwali to all

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/10/17/happy-diwali/

WHAT IS YOUR RAASHI

PL GO THROUGH THE FOLLOWING LINK AND DONOT FORGET TO LEAVE YOUR REFLECTIONS.

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-is-your-raashi/

PL VISIT MY NEW POST AT THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS

http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/the-dichotomoy-being-a-woman/

change of address----- keep visiting

Hi friends

I am shifting to http://anjugandhi.wordpress.com/

please add this list to your following list.

as i can not survive without your followships.

please keep visiting there and don't forget to leave your imprints behind. I value your comments as they are the motivating force behind my being in this world of blogging.

i am trying to import every thing from this site to the other site.

thanx

NAME CALLING

“Husband files a case against his wife on the grounds of mental torture and cruelty because she called him Idiot, cheater, duffer “. Although the court rejected his application as they observed that mere calling one’s husband an Idiot or a duffer doesn’t qualify for legal action” ( news in the prominent newspaper last week)

The reason given by the wife for her calling names to her husband --- he had got married under false pretexts. He has given false information about himself that he was a first class Chartered Accountant whereas in reality he was merely a lower grade clerk

I am surprised at the audacity of the man who appealed to the competent authorities just because it was a blow to his male ego to be called names by his wife

I wonder why he didn’t realize that he had infact insulted the woman by giving wrong information about himself, his education, his career and his income.

How could he spoil the life of an innocent person like this? What about the dreams of the woman which must have been shattered by this act of cheating by the husband?

Didn’t he degrade the woman by marrying her under false pretexts?

And what about the millions of men, who humiliate, insults, manhandle tortures both physically and mentally and abuse their wives at each step. How many of such victimized women show enough courage to go and complaint about their husbands.

Leave aside going to court; most of the women don't even let their family know about the continuous hurling of abuses to them.

How much mental trauma the false representation of husband must have caused the wife to call her husband a cheater or an idiot, because in our society most of the women will go on suffering than to call their husbands any name.

For a man to use derogatory words like an idiot or a duffer or good for nothing creature, useless, brainless or other thousands of demeaning and at times words of unprintable nature for his wife is just casual style, most of the men think that it is their prerogative to abuse their wives as it proves their superiority over the women.

I overheard someone saying,” are apni biwi ko kuch bhi bol sakte hai, she also knows I don’t mean it actually but then jab gussa aata hai to biwi ko bol deta hu, aakhir vo apni hai”

I feel like saying VA VA VA, just because she is your own wife you can abuse her.

Moreover I think, words like idiot or duffer have become a part of our life. We use it so often, many times not meaning them exactly or not with the intention to hurt someone but they are used more as slangs than as an abuse.

So why raise such a hue and cry when a woman uses these words against her husband, although I am sure very few of Indian wives will be using such harmless words for their husbands because Indian wives sill respects their husbands, they still put husbands in high esteem,

I don’t think that the woman did anything wrong in calling her husband an idiot even if she meant it and for once I applaud the decision given by the court.

Rather I would have appreciated if she had used even more strong words against the husband, afterall he had misrepresented to the woman about himself. He had disgraced her in front of her friends and relatives. He was the one responsible for breaking the dreams of her.

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS DEFINETLY NOT GOLD

THE ORGANIC THOUGHT wrote about desh ki Mitti today. I was just musing over his thoughts and then I was reminded of 2-3 incidences which made me express my feelings through this post.

I was talking to my travel agent today regarding my ticket to Boston and then he informed me that in USA air travelers have to pay $15-20 for every check in baggage.

I was surprised to know this fact. Was it to discourage the people to travel or was it to generate more money? (In India thank God, we are still allowed to check in huge bags free of cost)

And then today morning Neha informed me that she was not feeling well ,may be food poisoning.

I felt so helpless as I couldn’t do any thing sitting so far off from her except for advising her to take some medicine from the available stock with her or go to a doctor?

And then again I was in for a shock.

“ Mumma , you cannot just go to a doctor. You have to take an appointment with him”
“ But beta if there is an emergency?
“then go to the emergency department of a hospital and get admitted” she replied

I told her, “in India we visit the doctor any time we want, for a simple ailment we don’t take appointments. We can even call him in the night for an emergency situation. For that matter I can go to a local chemist and ask him to give me some medicine. Why don’t you go to your nearby chemist shop and take some medicine
“yes mom, but this is USA yahan aisa nahi hota. The chemist will not give any medicine without prescription”

The above facts along with my conversation with one of our family friend who had come for a vacation from the big world known as USA made me express my self so vehemently today

This friend of ours who had been living in America from last 25 or so years very emotionally expressed his views about the life in the advanced country.

I am putting his views now, sometime in his own words and sometimes in my own words
According to him most of the Indians there are ABCD i.e. AMERICA BASED CONFUSED DESIS.
They enjoy the comforts, the style of life there but when it comes to their values especially with their children most of them are in a fix. They want to bring up their children there amongst the natives of America, but they don’t want their children to adopt American culture, they want their children to adopt Indian moral values.

How is it possible? You let your child grow in that free environment yet you want them to adhere to Indian spiritual and moral values.?

Then he talked about the isolation most of the Indians feel there. They may form a major work force there, they may be earning fat pay packets, they may have invested in huge houses or cars or other comforts or they may have acquired the much sought after Green card, Yet they don’t feel the emotional attachment to that country which has given them the way and style of life which they always wanted.

He said, “ inspite of living in this part of world from last more than 25 years , I still feel my roots are still in India. Moreover the fact remains that we Indians are always considered as outsiders here. We may have Americans as our friends, we may work harder than most of them, but still they don’t consider us as one of them. We don’t feel that we belong to this world”.

“ we still feel a special bonding, a special attachment for India. Daily we follow the news of India, we celebrate all Indian festivals, any thing untowardly that happens there causes concern to us.

To quote him further, “the worst part is most of the Indians try to adopt the culture of America but the fact remains that they are neither there nor here. We try to become practical and unemotional like them but in deep in our hearts we still want the show of love, affection. We miss the warmth of India. We realize the worth of Indian culture only when we are away from that .

“ in India a working couple can by just spending a few thousand rupees can employ a full time servant or even part time ones who will clean the utensils, clothes, house and who will also cook the food. By spending just few hundreds rupees one can get his clothes ironed by a dhobi. And also in India we have parents who give us that emotional backing which we lack there”

“In India we can go for work, employ a servant to look after our child and we are rest assured that the child would be looked after properly under the supervision of our parents”
( how true).
He further said, “ most of the Indians settled there wants to come back to India ( only after saving a huge bank balance to that they can live a luxurious life in India)

He narrated an incidence when his child suddenly fell ill there and his wife was all alone. He said that was the time when they missed India.
“ If we would have been here, our neighbours would have run across to help us, our relatives would have come home, we could have knocked at the door of neigbhouring doctor in the middle of night and he would have come to help us without even raising his eyebrows.”

He went on and on about comparing both the life styles and the advantages of Living in India

“ yes, we get good salary there, we have big cars. Even students can afford cars there. We can wear branded clothes, we do have a better life style, we enjoy so many luxuries there but at what cost?”

“ we are still strangers there, we try to pretend that we are very happy with our big bank balances our jet life but deep in our hearts all ABCDs are emotionally starved”

I just wonder what is that attracts most of our youth to that world. Is it the glamour of a advanced nation or independent and free life style and of course lots of money ( in terms of Indian rupees because in dollars they may not be earning so much but when converted to INR it does make an impressive number) and if it is so than why do most of the ones settled abroad talk of coming back to India?
Another thing which I have noticed while talking to may people settled abroad is their guilt feeling towards their parents who are still in India.
Being Indians with Indian values and Indian upbringing where respect of elders, taking care of old parents is still given importance these migrated birds feel guilty as they are not fulfilling their duties towards their parents but then again the greed of having their own independent life lures them and takes precedence over their guilt feeling

Is it just the desire to acquire materialistic comforts which pulls the Indians to foreign countries? Because after talking to many NRIs I have realized that very few are really satisfied with their life there.
Is it really true “ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD”

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

Just now was watching K3G on TV. Amitabh, the father asks SRK ( son) to leave the house because he got married against the father’s wishes.

Yesterday’s morning papers screamed Father locks 21 year old daughter in a room because she got married to a boy of different religion against father’s wishes. And the father filed a case against the boy.

Also met the son of a family acquaintance. He was upset because his parents had severed all ties with him because he had got married to a girl not from their caste and the father took it as a blow to his ego and a slap on his reputation.

All these similar incidences prove one thing, if the children don’t bow down to the wishes of father or parents with regard to their marriage, then the parents have the right to disown their children. as if the children are some commodity which can be owned or thrown away if doesn’t come to the expectations.

I just don’t understand that when the parents who live for their children, whose life revolves around their children, who are ready to do any thing to see a smile on their faces, who don’t think about their own personal comforts or discomforts but want to give the best of every thing to them even if it is beyond their capacity, suddenly change their tunes and becomes the villain in the life of their own children just because the children wants to spend the life with someone of their choice.

Does the family name, personal ego, IZZAT, society’s opinion takes precedence over the happiness and wishes of the children?

I don’t understand how choosing a life partner of one’s own choice spoils the reputation of family that too in today’s scenario?
How can parents impart such severe punishment to their children just because they didn’t listen to them? When the children are young, they commit so many mistakes ( although I don’t consider marrying outside the community as a mistake) the parents let go and try to ignore most of their mistakes or the parents try to fulfill all the possible desires of the children and give in to their children’s desires then why so much objection over the choice of life partner?

Why do parents doubt the judgement of their children when it comes to the matter of their marriage? If they think that the children are not mature enough to take the right decisions regarding their marriage then how can they think that the children are ready for marriage or shoulder the responsibility of matrimonial life?

Do the parents think that they are the better judge of what is good for their children? Do they think that the life partner chosen by them will be the ideal for their offspring? If so then why do so many arranged marriages also fail?

Another thing which surprises me is that the parents who literally throw their children out of their house or life, stop communicating with them , over a period of time mellows down and reconcile with the children.

Many a times I have seen after the birth of the grand child , or seeing the happiness of the couple the anger of parents specially the father cools down and then he starts sending feelers to the estranged children and then the things are back to normal ---- a happy family life.

I am sure it is the desire and the grandfatherly emotions along with the love for the own flesh and blood that makes the father let their feelings become more important than their egos and finally accept the new relation.

If the parents punish the children for taking the decision regarding their life on their own, won’t the children feel insecure ? will they ever gain the confidence to take decisions in their life independently.

Parents want children to become independent, take their own decisions, become responsible, then why do they discourage them and raise obstacles when they want to take the most important step in their life?

If parents have such an adamant attitude towards their children, then who will help the children overcome the teething problems of the new life? To whom the children will turn to in times of distress?

And God forbids if something goes wrong with the new relation then where will the children go for help and support? Will they feel comfortable to approach their parents to sort out their problems and help them find a way?

And when most of the time parents accept the new member in their family then why not give in gracefully in the initial stages and respect the decisions taken by the children. I am sure it will save much of heart breaks, sufferings and ill feelings towards each other.

But Yes, if the parents have some objections towards such issues then they should at least make the children understand their apprehensions, their doubts, their fears and the risk involved I suppose more than the caste, religion issues, what is more important is the economic parity, education, family background .

I have not heard of any case where the parents have not succumbed to the pressures of their inner self , their love for the children and have welcomed the children with their new relationships in their arms.

Then there are parents who inspite of knowing that the children are taking some wrong steps in their life, and who will not listen to their advice, still try to ignore and overlook the faults of their children.

After all BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. We all know it.

History repeats itself

I am just back from a flying visit to my mother’s place

Although the trip was only for a very short period but it gave me insight into my role as a daughter and also as a mother. And I realized one thing i.e. a mother is a mother whatever her age may be. Whether she is 75 years old or 50 years old or 25 years, the basic traits of a mother never changes.

She is always loving, forgiving, caring, over indulgent, over protective, over anxious and she overlooks and forgets all her physical sicknesses, physical discomforts when she wants to do something for her child. She goes out of her way to give happiness to her child and derives incomparable pleasure in doing petty things for them.

I realized so many things about myself which earlier I used to take for granted .also I got a chance to analyze my past and present and visualize my future

I also saw my mirror image in my mother

This time I tried to put my self in her shoes and then only could I understand her anxieties and her reaction to many situations in the past and also in the present.

In my young days when I was just a daughter I used to get irritated so many times whenever my mother used to advise me on certain issues or correct me. During those days I used to have only one answer,” mummy please let me take my own decisions, I have grown up,. I never for a second gave it a thought that how my mother must have felt when I used to snub her like this

But now when the roles have reversed, now that I have become a mother and I do the same things and when my children reply in the same manner I feel insulted or left out.

Most of the times I forgive the mistakes of my children, I overlook their indifference towards me and I always justify this by saying after all I am a mother , how can I carry any grudge against my own child, how can I be angry with them. But then after meeting my mother or talking to other mothers I have realized that I am not doing any thing great. All mothers are the same. Inspite of me not liking some of her thinking or her beliefs and my telling her so , she forgives me and my insolence. Don’t I do the same with my children?

My behavior towards my children is a reflection of my mother’s behavior towards me.

And of course my children’s behavior is a mirror image of mine towards my mother.

When I pester my children for eating or I want to know little tits bits about their life, at times they get irritated and find my attitude as an intrusion in their privacy. But don’t I feel the same when my mother does the same thing.

It is truly history repeating itself.

I always laugh at my mother when she gets excited over my visit to her and she starts asking me what I would like to eat and she goes out of her way to make my favourite dishes, but then don’t I behave in the same way when Neha comes to India. The pain of parting which I feel for my daughter when she goes ,even my mom must be feeling it when I leave her.

The pampering which my mother or father gave me the is similar to what I shower on my children and most of the time the reaction of my children is the same as that of mine when I was just a child.

There is a saying in Hindi which goes “JAAKI NA PHATI BIWAI VA KYA JAANE PIR PARAYI” ( literal meaning of this saying is till you get pain in the cracks of your heels you will not understand what other person is feeling) till you experience the same pain; you will not realize what the other person is feeling.

Until or unless we put ourselves in the shoes of others we will not realize what he is undergoing.

One can understand the feelings of a mother or a parent one only when he or she becomes one.

Gurur brahmaa gurur vishnuh , gurur devo maheshvarah, gurur saakshaat parabrahma tasmai shree gurave namah.

Gurur brahmaa gurur vishnuh , gurur devo maheshvarah, gurur saakshaat parabrahma tasmai shree gurave namah.
We all know in India teachers have always been treated at par with Brahma, the supreme power and teaching profession has always been considered one of the noblest professions.

The teachers in India are very lucky. They are honoured by their students, twice in a year, one on 5th September (teachers day) and then on Guru Purnima too .

Yesterday a very old student of mine (I used to take tuition once upon a time) stopped me on the road and said, “Teacher belated happy teacher’s day. I m sorry I could not come on that day to wish you.”

I cannot explain the flow of emotions I had at that moment. I had taught her and her younger brother during their primary school days which was about 10 years back. That day and till today both of them never forget to come to my place on 5th September with a teachers day card and a gift..

My brief fling with teaching has given me a special high, an unique satisfaction, a feeling of being worthwhile, which I don’t think any thing else can give me.

I don’t think I was a very good teacher. ( they still remember how I used to punish them for not doing the home work and thinking of that now makes me feel ashamed of myself , how could I be so strict with them) but inspite of this both the brother and sister regularly keep me updated with the progress they are making. And visit me thrice a year for sure, On Id day( with sewaiyan), teacher’s day and on rakhi as the sister always ties rakhi to my son (although they are muslims)

Neha , my daughter still wishes her two favorite teachers from her school days even now.( but I think she forgot this time as till now she hasn’t mentioned any thing about it) she not only wished them from even from Boston but I remember she even wished her NEU professors on this day and explained to them the importance of this day.

One of my husband’s juniors (advocates) used to wish him on Guru Purnima and even after leaving his job she continued wishing him for quite some time but then she suddenly stopped wishing

This year also his rest of the juniors gave him a bouquet and a gift on this day. Probably seeing this he felt very emotional and he also sent a bouquet to his senior under whose guidance he had learnt the basics of his legal practice.

What I am trying to say is that in India Teachers are given high respect and value ,may be because they enlighten us with profound knowledge and power . While parents gave life to our body teachers gave life to our soul.
And as an expression of thankfulness we celebrate teacher’s day in India every year on September 5 as Teacher’s day and also wish our Guru’s on Guru Purnima to pay our tribute to the teachers for their incomparable deed of preaching and their devotion and hard work..

We all know the story of Eklavaya and how he sacrificed his right thumb as Guru dakshina to Guru Drona.
Such is the respect which we Indians give to our teachers.
I wonder if any where in world same sort of practice of celebrating teacher’s day is followed

What scares me the most is the thought that may be one day when my these two students are done with studies, well settled in their life they may forget me . ( the way my husband’s junior suddenly stopped wishing him on these days).

The gift or the card which they give is not important what is important is the love, respect they shower on me, what is important is the thought that even after so many years they still remember me and come to my house to wish me and also share their achievements in terms of marks, awards or any thing else/

That reminds me on 5th September I was also honoured by my club members for being a teacher ( so what I am not teaching any more these days)
At that time I just wondered why only those who are in teaching profession officially, are honoured. Why, all the mothers who are the first teacher for the child are not honoured or remembered on this day?
I even told my president that his team should be honouring all the mothers as teachers too.
It is we the mothers who introduce our children to their first alphabet, we are the ones who teach them all the facts of life, we teach them the values, we guide them at every stage. I think along with the professional teachers the mothers should also be specially wished on these days.

To celebrate teacher’s day or mother’s day or any other day is just a way of publicly acknowledging the contribution made by them in our life. and every year, come August and I start looking forward to 5th september and subsequent visit of my these two students.

THE MOST DREADFUL DEMON

While talking to ooglersgooglers today ,he mentioned that some celebrity has got cancer and my immediate reaction was Oh God!

Then he mentioned another one in the family who also has been detected with this killer disease. And my reaction again was, Baap re, very sad!, what will happen to the family? without even asking about the condition of the patient or the severity of the symptoms I just took for granted that the person will definetly succumb to death. ( as if others who are not suffering from cancer will never die)

Most of the people react in the similar way when they come to know of someone who is suffering from cancer. The word cancer has become synonymous with death sentence.

We all know that death is inevitable. Who so ever has come on this earth will go. No one is mortal.
Koi bhi amrut peekar nahi aaya hai that means all of us have to go.

Then why this phobia of this particular disease ( carcinophobia)?

There are so many other diseases which ultimately lead to the end of life. Then why do we dread this word cancer?
Is it because
1. This is incurable atleast after a certain stage.
2. Granted that earlier there was no cure for this disease and any one who fell prey to it be in the first stage or last stage will surely have a painful end.
3. Most of the times this disease is diagnosed at the last stage and then it is too late for any medicines to act?
4. The after effects of the chemotherapy are very painful. ( I read a novel by Danielle Steel where she has beautifully described the trauma a cancer patient undergoes and there she has portrayed the aftereffects of chemo)
5. That the end days are very painful for both , the patient and the persons who are looking after the patient.( my father went because of this only and although I did not witness his pain but have heard that it was intolerable and he used to suffer a lot)

Whatever may be the reason, but the mere thought of this word is shuddersome and distressing.

and the worst scene is when every one around the patient starts moving with a drawn face, gloomy expressions. even if the patient tries to put up a bold front and face the situation with utter courage the so called well wishers keep reminding him of his agonising state and forces him to become mentally weak by talking about his ill fate and bad luck.
they are the ones who by their expressions, attitude make the patient see his end approaching.
and this reminds me two famous dialouges of our movies
1. Jindagi lumbi nahi chodi honi chahiye
and
2. yeh mat socho ki jindagi mein kitne pal bache hai balki yeh socho ki har pal mein kitni jindagi hai(
dont think how much time you have left with rather think how you can live the leftover moments of your life)

Beggars can’t be choosers

Some incidences during last few days

1. Although I don’t advocate giving alms to beggars and I generally don’t give unless the person asking for is very old or handicapped. Other day while travelling near a traffic signal a very cute little girl knocked at my car window and in her very sweet voice asked me for money. I had a one Rupee coin in my hand which I gave her. To my surprise she refused to take that saying “ kum se kum 2 rupees to do. Mein ek rupee nahi leti”

2. While travelling in a local train I came across again a small child crying and begging. Can anyone believe what she was begging for not money but A Chocolate? I felt every emotional by seeing her. I offered her money but she wanted only chocolate reason being ,” paise to meri maa le legi, mereko to chocolate he khani hai”

3. One of my friends has a similar experience. She was travelling in an auto rickshaw and at a traffic signal some eunuchs asked her for money which she refused to give. Seeing this they started abusing her which made her very scared and she took out a 2 Rs coin from her purse. She was stunned when they threw the money on her face saying ,” Humko bhikari samjha hai. Kum se kum 5 rupees de”

4. In another incidence the person refused to take 2 rupees saying , “ 2 rupees mein kya aata hai, kum se kum ek pav vade ka paisa ya ek cup chai ka paise to do”


5. Yesterday a young lady stopped me on the road and asked me to give her money to buy ration for herfamily. I told her, “You come to my house and clean my utensils. I will give you money, or if you want I can keep you on to clean my utensils regularly”. She just refused saying, “ paise dena ho to do, kaam nahi maanga hai”. i told her that I am giving her respectable job, and she will not have to beg. but she replied, " jab aaram se mil jaata hai to kaam kyun karne ka"

The beggars infact have become choosy in what they want and how much they want.

Moreover they are happy to get this easy money which many so called kind hearted philanthropists give thinking that they are doing some noble deed, some punya ka kaam and they will surely get a place in swarg( heaven )for their kind deeds.

Some so called social workers and their organizations take pride in distributing food items, blankets, money etc to these people without realizing that they are in fact making them dependent, lethargic who think that it is very easy to squeeze money out of kind hearted people by playing on their emotions.

It is a very common sight to find people asking for money to perform last rites of their relatives who is lying dead on the roadside (really??) and if you offer them some material goods they just refuse. They want only money.

All these incidences prove one thing that the famous saying THAT BEGGARS CAN NOT BE CHOOSERS is false. Under the present circumstances it doesn’t hold true these days. BEGGERS ARE CHOOSERS AND THEY TAKE ONLY WHAT THEY WANT.

Dilemmas of parents and children ????????????????

I was watching a TV serial in which the stereotype scenes were being enacted.
Scene 1
Son wants to get married to a girl of his choice. Parents are against it.
Parents ,” Kya isiliye tereko itna bada kiya tha?,tujhse yeh umeed na thi.(. We didn’t raise you to expect such a behavior from you)
Scene 2
Son wants to go abroad for further studies / or live separately with his wife. Main thing is he is planning to set up his life away from his parents
This was enough to give all the meals in one stroke to my always starving mind
Lots of questions (as usual, I specialize in raising many doubts, confusing questions)

1. Do we, the parents, give birth to our children with this expectation that they will obey us all through their life, will listen to us?

2. Have we given birth to them to fulfill our unrealized dreams?

3. Do we want them to suppress their desires, dreams, and ambitions to be with us always?

4. Is it right on the part of the parents to demand that the child should marry according to their choice or is it right on the part of the child to ignore his parent’s wish and go ahead with his own feelings?

5. Does a relation which is only few months or few years old becomes so powerful that the child is ready to rebel against a relation which is more than 20 years old?

6. Is it right on the part of the father to expect his son to follow his (father’s well established profession? Did the father start his career with this aim that his offspring will take over from him or did he want to further his own career, ambitions and make a name for himself?

7. What are the duties and responsibilities of the children towards their parents? Although there are no set norms or rules for the children to follow but should they not think about their parents who are responsible for their very existence and who have sacrificed a lot to provide the best of comforts to the child? Should the children not see to it that their parents are properly looked after, loved, respected and taken care of the way the parents had done when the children were small?

8. Do the parents give birth to children and raise them with the expectation that the children will look after them in old age?

9. Don’t we , the parents, have children because we want to fulfill our parental instincts, because we want to shower our love and affection to our offspring, to provide the best of life to them, we want to give meaning to our life, to have something and someone to look forward to ( all selfish reasons on the part of the parents)? The children didn’t ask the parents for anything. They never said give birth to us? we do it because we want to do it.

10. And if it is so, then why do parents want children to sacrifice their life for parents. Are they asking for repayment of the sacrifices they made in bringing up their children?

11. But is it wrong on parent’s part to expect some consideration from children? Should the children not feel thankful to their parents for what they have become in life? Should they not feel any moral duty or obligation towards the parents?

12. When parents don't want to let go their independence, their authority to make decisions how can they not expect the same feelings from their children?


These are some of the doubts which may be there in the minds of both the sides

It is possible that so many people find my questions funny, irrelevant

but these are the harsh realities of life which everyone has to face and I suppose both the sides have to make some compromises, adjustments so that each emerges out satisfied without making undue demands on anyone or ignoring other.

I am waiting for some answers to my musings. hopefully someone will surely clear my doubts and put my mind to rest.

DESTINY - - - YES OR NO ?????????

I often wonder from where did the God get his super efficient, 24x7 working ,diligent, uncorrupt administrative staff ( definitely not from India )?

And also his computers must be having unbelievable configuration otherwise how it would be possible for him to have information about the whole universe of the past, present and also the future in his data base

The moment a life takes birth ,its each and every moment is monitored by him as he is the one who has got the ropes of each life in his hand. Everything that happens is as per his desire, his guidance and under his supervision.

I am sure even before the commencement of new life, God would be feeding all the success, failures, mood swings, personality traits, happenings, mis- happenings of the new life in his computers that is why we always say “it was destined” because everything is as per his wish and under his directions.

.I wonder how he manages to plan the whole cycle of the new life in such a meticulous manner. There is no scope for any breakdown or failures in his system.

There are many who don’t believe in destiny. They say there is nothing as destiny. every thing is in our own hand and they believe that by hard work we can change our destiny

But is it not possible that the changing of destiny was also predecided by the God? Or hard work done by us is also predetermined by him. Because he wants us to toil the soil, he wants some people to work day in day out and so they do it.

Is it not possible because we are destined to succeed that is why we work hard and aim towards success?
Whereas ,for some he has other plans that is why they are not hardworking or particular about certain things in the life.

Just for an example a student flunks in the exams. And he is condemned for his failure because of not studying. Is it possible that because it was destined that he will fail that is why he didn’t study?
Is it not possible that when God wants something to happen then he only manipulates the circumstances in such a way that everything becomes conducive for the happening of that particular event and vice versa?

If two persons are destined to meet, then the situations will automatically take twists and turns to see that the two persons unite. otherwise come what may they will not cross ways.

I am a strong believer of destiny and I may be wrong in my thinking. There will be many who will not subscribe to my thinking and they will have their own point of view. I am open to any reasoning and also have no reservations to change by way of thinking provided the arguments against destiny are strong enough and convincing.

And if I do change my thinking then I would say it was destined that I will be changing my views. ;-)

I AM OK, YOU ARE OK BUT WE ARE NOT OK

Few days back I read a novel where the husband and wife separates after 2-3 years of marriage. So before leaving they divide the things bought by them. As the husband had paid for the bed and mattress minus the pillows, the TV, the music system minus the high power speakers he took all of them whereas the wife was left with the pillows, speakers and TV trolley as she had paid for it

Then the other day I was talking to a young working couple. They described their house purchases to me. “Aunty I bought this and this and aunty other things he bought”.
Surprised at the way they were describing their shopping I asked them what did they mean by I bought or he bought.
Prompt came the reply, “for half the things I paid and rest he paid. Look aunty, suppose things don’t work out between us in future and we decide to separate then we don’t want to fight over petty issues over physical possession. That is why everything is divided equally between us. Household expenditure, shopping, outings etc etc

I was shocked here was a newly married couple just on the verge of starting their new life and they were already planning for separation. What happened to lifelong commitments, marriage vows, faith and confidence in each other? Have these values become thing of past or only to be read in the books?

No doubt what they were thinking was very practical and realistic. After all both of them are financially independent, educated, progressive young people belonging to this modern era and they have equal rights over the way they spend their money and if things really go out of hand and they are not able to live together then no one should face financial loss or be in a vulnerable position BUT

Aren’t they starting their life on shaky grounds, on doubts, with preset apprehensions about the permanency of the relation,? Any thing started with negativism will surely bring about more negativity in the relation. They are already preparing themselves for separation.

That means no thought is given by them on concepts like understanding, endurance, adjustments. It sounds more like a contract to me. If things work out we will remain together else TATA BYE BYE
A little argument, a little difference of opinion and they just go their own ways.

What happened to feeling of US. It is always you and me.

Isn’t marriage supposed to be union of two persons, two families from two different cultural values, backgrounds who try to come together as one being?

By giving too much emphasis to one’s own individuality, independence they are deviating from the basic foundation of married life which rests on trust, belongingness, feeling of togetherness, feeling of being WE.

I agree that by maintaining separate financial accounts, each one is free to spend as one wish and don’t have to account to other person for the expenses. Especially in Indian society many a times when the girl wants to do something for her family, there are objections from the boy or his family. This way she can support her family or gift them without facing the wrath of the inlaws.

The young couples practice these thoughts not only in financial matters but also at each step of their married life. My relatives your relatives, my dreams your dreams, my life your life and so forth. Till the realization of being as one unit, as being We or Us sinks in them the marriage will remain on rocky grounds.

I remember there was a dialogue in old hindi movie Kora Kaagaz, where after a long separation due to lots of misunderstandings when the couple meet suddenly , the wife asked, “was it was only my mistake “ and the husband replied, “ No, some of it was yours, some of it was mine and some of it was ours”

I am neither running a moral brigade nor am I in a position to pass value judgement on any body’s behavior ( after all we live in a democratic society) and every one has a right to lead his life as he wants.

But these were some of my doubts may be from a mother’s point of view or may be from a different generation (How I hate to be called as old fashioned or from different generation) but I just can’t help it. I am unable to adhere to these values, philosophy and thinking of individualism.

I strongly advocate that one should maintain one’s individuality, one’s privacy but not to such an extent as to jeopardize the institution of marriage whose basis is togetherness.

MOTHER CHILD AND GOD

Yesterday while travelling a local train I happen to overhear a conversation between a small child and her mother. (Yes, I know eavesdropping is bad and one should not do it but at times it is very stimulating and very informative and there are times when you just cannot avoid listening to what others are talking)

I was so much impressed by the questions asked by the young one and the way the mother was struggling to satisfy the curiosity of the child. There were times when I found the answers of the mother to be very weak and I could feel it in her tone but she was trying her best.

This is how the conversation took place. A is the daughter and B is the mother ( for my convenience)

A: Momma God is every where
B : Yes, beta he is omnipresent, found in each and every thing on this earth, living, non living, plants, animals
A: so mummy will you agree to that he is the creator,
B: Yes my child
A: then please tell me why do we pray to him?
B: GOD is that support system which gives us strength, hope, encouragement and confidence to face any obstacles in the life.
A: when he is the giver, he is the caretaker, then why do we ask him for things? He should know what we require?
B : true , but he has to take care of the whole universe, he is extremely busy. So there are chances that he may overlook us, or forget about us so we need to remind him
A: but when he is the supreme power who knows each and every thing that happens on the earth, everything that happens is as per his desires. Then why should we go on asking him to take care of us?
B: Look child I will give you an example, for a mother her child is the most precious thing in the world and her life revolves around her, but even then there are times when due to her work she may forget to feed the young child, then the child has to remind her to feed her by crying and he goes on crying till she gives him milk.
Similarly God also needs reminders now and again.
A: OK mom, you gave birth to me, you take care of me, I am your most precious possession and you don’t want to see me ever in pain or suffering. Right ? Now that God is the creator, he is responsible for the whole world then why does he give us pain, why did he make my friend cry when she lost her mother?
B: he gives us pain so that we should value the things which give us happiness; we should not take everything including him for granted. Pain and happiness both are integral part of life. Without one we cannot enjoy and feel the importance of other. And one should always remember that after night comes the day and vice versa. Similarly if he give us pain he will surely give us happiness.
A: that means if we are happy then we are surely to get hurt too.
The mother was speechless for a second
B : this is circle of life, nothing is permanent. This is why I always tell you to value all the comforts, all the facilities you have. You never know one day you may not have all of them.
A : But mumma, if God wants to take all this back then why give in first place. Why make us get used to a happy life and full of comforts and then let us suffer
(I was admiring the endurance of the mother who was patiently trying to answer every question of the child)
A: OK mummy tell me one more thing, why do you ,many times tell to God that if some wish of yours gets full filled , you will offer a coconut or some sweets to God, Do you offer him bribe or do you pay him for the wishes he grants you. That means even God is corrupt as he doesn’t fulfill your desires till you promise to give something in return. ( very smart question. hats off to the child for asking such a question)
B: ( trying very hard to answer and maintain her cool) this is our way of saying thanx to God for what ever he does for us.
A: A mere thank you will not suffice? And more over whatever we offer to God, it doesn’t reach him but either the pujari, or someone else takes it. Then why do we promise God to give something in return. We all are his children then he should do our work without expecting anything in return.
( the mother was visibly in a tight spot and was getting irritated by now)
A: ok tell me God is one, then why do we have so many Gods.
B: all the Gods are different names or faces of the same God.
A: if it is so, then why do we pray to different Gods on different days? Monday we go to Shiv temple, Tuesday we go to Ganpati, Thursday to Sai Baba, Friday to Mata Rani, Saturday to Hanumanji.
A : And Momma one more thing, if we all his children then why some are poor and some are rich, some are good looking and some are not so good looking? U always say that for a parent all the children are equal and no parent would ever differentiate between children then why does he do so?
My station had come so I had to get down. But I wonder how many more questions the child had in her store and how the mother was managing?
But this entire conversation did make me also think that all the questions asked by the child were relevant and were neither randomly asked nor thought about on the spur of the moment but she must have pondered over them over a period of time .
and I admired the perseverance of the motehr in quenching the thirst (clarification of her innumbearble doubts) of her child

ARE WE AS PARENTS NOT RESPONSBILE?

I was reading a novel in which one of the woman characters starts turning her 2 year old child against her husband and her family who had caused her business loss. So by the time the child is 8 years he is full of venom for everybody and he kills his father and goes out to take revenge from his relatives
Who was responsible for it? The mother, no doubt.

Parents ,are the ones who socialize, educate and nurture the children. How they will mould their gullible minds will determine what sort of adults they will turn out to be?

Very often husbands and wives in their fit of temper pass a comment in front of their children, “why did I marry?” (Very common) but ,they fail to realize the impact of such words on the impressionable minds of the children and they grow up believing that marriage is indeed something which causes unhappiness.

I was in for a shock when few days back in answer to one of my comments on male ego, my daughter said , Mummy please spare me your comments on male ego. This is your thinking, don’t press your views on me” I was stunned. I wondered if I was indeed poisoning her against men especially when she is on the threshold of marriage.

Many a bloggers who feel strongly about the pathetic conditions of women, their victimization by the hands of men, sexual discrimination, harassment etc write bold blogs on the same issue (even I express my views on such issues).

Sometimes I feel that although our intention is to highlight the status of women in our society, we want to talk about their rights but unconsciously are we not encouraging the younger generation to harbor wrong notions against the opposite sex.

Are we not inculcating a sense of fear amongst girls regarding marriage, regarding men in general?

I know we are trying to prepare them for the facts of life, we are showing them that life is not a bed of roses, we are preparing them to fights against injustice, raise their voice against inhuman attitudes of certain sects of our society.

But are we not scaring them?
I know all enlightened people are raising their voices against the atrocities being committed on women and the broad minded, pragmatic thinking young generation are intelligent enough not to generalize but then there are remote chances that some of them involuntarily start breeding hatred towards members of opposite sex.

There are tons and tons of jokes, sms against women as wives, as girlfriends which make fun of them, which show them as sex objects, or as persons with no brains, or the ones who always harass their husbands.

Is it not possible that when young boys read them, enjoy them and discuss it amongst their friends they are indirectly getting conditioned to regard woman in that light only. Won’t they enter into matrimony with these preconceived ideas about wives? And wont it affect their relations with their life partners?

Right from birth we start discriminating between sexes. Kitchen sets, sewing kits, dolls for girls, cars, mechanos, etc for boys

We have preset rules for girls and boys, different household duties for them.

Are we as adults not conditioning the children to fall into stereotyped roles?

We, as parents and adults differentiate between our sons and daughters in our own houses and then we are the ones who talk about gender inequalities in outside world.

It is up to us the parents especially the mothers to train the children right from childhood to respect the members of opposite sex, it is up to us to guide them in the right direction and path. http://anjugandhi.blogspot.com/2009/06/all-men-get-prepared.html)

How we behave with our spouse, what sort of discussions we have amongst ourselves, what sort of values we will imbibe in their pliable minds will shape up their future and their adult life?

Moreover to an extent our religious scriptures, our old traditions, our TV serials and our movies all are responsible for this loathsome and irrational thinking of men and their attitude towards women.

And of course we adults as guides, as role models at times unintentionally misdirect our children be it sons or daughters in wrong directions.

i am all in favour of fighting against injustice towards any one , and I strongly condemn the atrocities and violence caused to women but my only apprhension is all this should not have any negative influnece on younger generation. rather they should think objectively and look at the things in a rational manner and follow what is good for them and for others also and we should try to tell the young ones that we are raising our voice against some of the malpractices of the society and they should not adopt those in their lives but take lessons from them

Thank God I was not born in Afghanistan

“In a U-turn, Karzai signs ‘rape law’ Men Can Deny Food To Wife Who Says No To Sex
DENIED SEX/ STARVE YOUR WIFE, SAYS NEW AFGAN LAW , IT ALSO ALLOWS A RAPIST TO AVOID PROSECUTION BY PAYING BLOOD MONEY TO THE VICTIM FOR THE INJURY CAUSED DURING THE ACT “ shouts today's TOI

I am infuriated and stunned to the point of have become speechless. My anger has taken toll over my senses and am just unable to find words to express my rage towards the men and my sympathies with the member of my own sex in Afghanistan

How can such a law be passed? How can someone be so insensitive towards the women?

Is the condition of women out there so bad? This law clearly shows that woman has no say in sexual act? Is she expected to be a robot or a machine (with no emotions and desires?) How can the men deny food or basic subsistence to the lady who is the mother of their children, who takes care of their house, takes care of the husbands and their families? That means she is at the mercy of the men for her basic needs. She is so helpless that she cannot even satisfy her hunger without the permission of her husband

I literally wants to say "Ghar mein maa behan nahi hai kya?" (Don’t they have mothers and sisters at home?) Will the same law be applicable to them also or is it restricted to wives only. But then every woman is a sister and mother. That means men in Afghanistan have no feelings, no respect for their own sisters and mothers?

Moreover the second part of the law says “ blood compensation to be paid for the injury caused to the victim during the act of rape to avoid prosecution)

I am sure the men there would be feeling very magnanimous after passing such a law. No consideration for the emotional, social suffering caused to woman, just a monetary compensation for the physical injury caused.? just pay some money and you are releived of your guilt, crime ?

I just want to know how they will calculate the injury caused. Will it be based on how many scratches she has got, or the amount of blood she shed?

If the women are considered to be weaker section of the society then is it not the duty of the superior strata to take care of them?

I am sure no religion would advocate that vulnerable people, helpless people should be taken advantage of, rather as per my knowledge all the religions of the world preach that women who is the very foundation of this society, without whom this world was not possible, who is the one who brings the men in this world , who rears them with her own blood should be respected and given equal importance

I am no authority on any religion but I just goggled and found out that even Quran considers woman to be at par with men.
(http://www.jannah.org/sisters/qur_wom.html)
http://www.muftisays.com/blog/MUSLIMAH_119/13_24-09-2008/the-status-of-women-in-qur%92an-and-sunnah:.html

I hope no men in India have read this otherwise I just dread what the condition of members of my sex who are already victims of sexual discrimination would be like (as it is very easy to adopt the negative things after all they are more attractive)
I just wish :
That some miracle happnes and no woman is condemned to such a derogatory state.

That some social reformers gear up enough courage to fight against such victimization against women in Afghanistan and anywhere else too, where women are being subjected to such atrocities by the hand of some of the men.

And men (who think that woman deserves to be respected and should be given their due as human beings) and women all over world join together to lend their support to the sufferers and fight against the injustice being meted out to their fellow beings.

USUAL V/S UNUSUAL

After so many thought provoking, debatable/controversial and serious posts, I thought I will try my hand with something which may bring smile on someone’s face or bring him out of his somber state. So here comes a somewhat light, humorous (I hope so) flow from my otherwise confused mind, just to prove that I do have a sense of humor and can find pleasure from small tit bits of day to day life.
So here I go
There are certain questions which we ask regularly to show our politeness, our etiquettes and our culture. But do we really expect an answer to those questions?
Ever wondered if instead of the usual, stereotyped, routine answers to the same old question we come up with some thing different? Just imagine the situations and some off the mark answers.
Here I have given some usual questions and my answers to them (How I wish I could give the answers in reality in real life situations) but I live in a Hippocratic society where certain norms and standards are expected and I have to bow down to acceptable norms of life.
So here are some common questions and their permissible and expected answers in brackets and in bold letters fragmentation of my brain cells
How are you? (I am good) I am not good / I am not well / I am not O K /better than you

How is your health? ( Ok/ fine) Oh! I have severe stomach upset, my knees are paining, my sugar is very high, I am having loose motions, or I am having gas problem

Take care. (thanx. You too) Thanx for reminding me to take care otherwise I would not have done so/ you please don’t take care

In a shopping mall, oh what are you doing here? (shopping) I have come to play cricket

Ok , You have come for shopping (ofcourse ) No, I have come to lift some things if I get the chance

In a restaurant in the evening, Come for dinner (yes ) No. will wait for the breakfast/ No, will just watch others eating.

While eating “Eating food) ( yeah ) no, playing with them or just waiting the food to turn back to its basic ingredients

when some one is sleeping (very common with husband and wife)
Are you sleeping? (Pray tell me if the other person is sleeping how will he answer?) if awake then no trying to eat the mattress or trying to dance while lying on the mattress.

In a doctors Clinic, “come to see the dr. Some one is ill? (yes) No, came for a walk and thought may be the doctor has changed his profession and may be he is selling saris

You are reading and the person asks you what are you doing? ( yeah reading a book) Feeling hungry so thought that will try the taste of the books

In your living room you are just sitting, what are you doing? (just sitting) I am trying to swim

Or we just to start a conversation we often say, Hey what’s happening or Kya chal raha hai (kuch nahi, nothing ) fan, computer, AC, TV sab chal raha hai, sirf car nahi chal rahi, or nothing is happening, everything is dead

Or what is new in life? ( Same old life same old routine) oh I got a new shirt, new maid servant, new soap or something like that

There could be variety of such funny questions with equally funny answers.

So now any body who has managed to read the churned out ruminations of my thoughts then do share what will be your answers in such situations or if you could share some of the other equally funny questions with their funnier answers.
HAPPY BRAIN STORMING

Hypocrisy the other name of life.

To me hypocrisy means play acting and doing something which you actually don’t want to do but you do for some or the other reasons and then we all say we hate hypocrisy and hypocrites too. Don’t we?
A small incidence which happened with me
1. A couple of days back we lost a not so distant relative because of cancer. Early in the morning we rushed to their house. Although me and my husband were bit reluctant to go, as both of us thought that when the deceased was alive and suffering we never bothered to visit him or even call him and enquire about his health and now when he is no more what purpose will our going there serve? But then we had invasions of thought like what the people will say? Or it will not look good etc and succumbing to silent yet powerful societal pressures we went.
2 As expected the whole family was grieving. We couldn’t bear the pain of the wife who had lost her life partner after being with him for almost 60 years or the dazed look on the faces of children and grandchildren. My father in law being the eldest in the family consoled every one and the immediate family stopped crying and we all sat down to pay our respects to the departed soul. As soon as a new group of relatives entered the room ,much to my surprise the seemingly calmed down family again started howling at the top of their voices and again the same cycle of consoling and supporting each other continued.
3. There was some delay in the funeral procession to start. So all the people gathered there were busy chitchatting, discussing all the possible topics on the earth, share market, marriage, swine flu, movies. As the time progressed people became impatient, “getting late for office, my maid servant will go, why are they taking so long”? And similar sentences floated in the air.
4. Came the day of mourning service or prayers for the deceased. Relatives from different cities started pouring in, so the family of the deceased got busy in making arrangements for the stay, food and other facilities of all the relatives who were coming for the final rites. While the final rites were being carried out, some of the members were busy (hiding from all peeping eyes) on their cell phones and discussing about their business meetings or calling other relatives and fixing up appointments for next meetings ( after all they had spent so much in terms of money and time to come to Bombay then why not meet other relatives too or do a little of business )
5. Not only that, each and every person who came made sure that the family members of the deceased saw them. And their presence was registered in their memories.
Formalities over and everyone went back to their routines without even glancing back at the grieving family.
Now some thoughts which erupted like a volcano in my mind and played havoc
1. Why were we all so much concerned about society? Why everyone including me did go there when actually we were not so much aggrieved as the immediate family? I know to pay our respects, for family relations, to lend our support. But why at that moment only?
2. When he was alive we never enquired about his health then why did we go now. Just to show the society or the relatives and to be called very considerate?
3. The pain of family members is understandable but then why there was a public exhibition of their grief. Why show off to everyone coming there that they were grieving. Is howling the only way of showing to the world that they have lost some one? Does that means a person who can’t cry is immune to the dreaded demon, death? There are people who are not able to express their pain, does it mean that they are immune to harsh realities of life or they were not attached to the deceased?
4. We all attend the funeral services and then afterwards forget about the family. How many bother to take care of the family after everything is over? Do we ever go back to the family and ask them how they are coping up with the loss or do they need anything? Is the wife able to shoulder the financial responsibilities of the family? whether the children have become emotionally stable? No, I don’t think so. Once the formal visit is over we are also done with the family. Let them live as they want.
5. Instead of crowding in large groups immediately after death, why can’t we visit them in turns and spend some time with them and help them overcome their loss?
6. The family has already lost some close one and then on top of it they have to make staying and food arrangements for all the relatives who are coming from other cities. The family has not only lost a life and now why do they have to spend huge amounts for the comforts of the people who will come to attend the prayer service. Why?
Doesn’t all this fall in the category of being hypocrites or having double standards?
I think all humans are hypocrites; the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest HYPOCRISY. And though I hate to admit but then even I am also one.
Because I may like so many others raise my voice against all these double standards or show offs ,will do my official duties as a member of society, a member of family and then like so many others then turn my back and forget about it and go back to my worldly chores. Rightly said by some one “Whatever you condemn, you have done yourself”
After all this is the way of life. Life goes on. People crib, comment, criticizes, pass value judgment on other’s behavior as they are very inclined to set moral standards for others and then they themselves fall prey to all that.

B +

B Positive is not my blood group but Be positive is in my blood
I got hooked to this quotation the day I read it and let it flow in my blood stream with my O+ blood
This became so much a part of my life that I started looking for positivity in every one’s behavior as a result my near ones started accusing me of justifying others behaviors and acts, I was even blamed for being partial towards others and ignoring my closed one. What they failed to realize was that I was letting my positive attitude rule over me and I was trying to find positivity in everything. And of course intentionally I was trying to rub off my thinking on them but little did I realize that I was failing in my endeavors. And they were succeeding in transfusing my blood with their negativity. Because in today’s world it is convenient and easy for evil to win

But having faith in the saying that truth, goodness, positive traits always win, I still let positive thought flow in my blood most of the time.
But to err is human, and I am a vulnerable human being, who gets easily swayed by happenings around me. I know that negativity breeds negativity and I always try to resist them But sometimes the circumstances are such that one thing leads to another and suddenly I find myself engulfed with negative thoughts which in turn leads to negative acts which adds fuel to already poisoned atmosphere and the result is a vicious non ending chain
We all know that a pessimistic attitude is detrimental to our success but even then most of us nurture this like a cherished child
JAB HUM DIL SE KISI CHIZ KO CHAHTE HAI TO PURI KAYNATH JUT JAATI HAI VO CHIZ HASSAIL KARANE MEIN. ( when we want something with determination then the whole world joins together to see that we get it)How true
If you are happy, have happy thoughts then you find happiness all around you. Certain acts which tilt more towards negativity, even they become your strength and you can derive happiness from them because your system gets used to happiness and you find the whole atmosphere bubbling with joy. similarly when you are angry your whole surrounding gets enveloped with your anger and your stress and you start finding faults in everything around you and which in turn effects your relations to the point of breaking.
So it just happened that the other day before sleeping I got one bad news which didn’t let me sleep the whole night. And I just prayed that I should not get more bad news but then law of attraction does exist. One bad news, one negative thought pulls another one like a magnet and before I could wash the effects of the shattering news something happened in the morning which caused me lots of stress and by the time sun was showing its full strength came another shocking news. I just waited for some good news strong enough to wash away the remains of day’s happenings.
At that time, I realized that to sway the mood from happiness, from positive thinking to negative a small incidence can suffice but to change from negativity to positivity a tornado is essential. Such is the effect of negativism.
There are times when talking about positive attitude and looking for positivity in certain situations sound so hypocritical to me that I feel ashamed of my attitude…..
Imagine talking about searching for something good, something positive to a person, who has just lost a job, or a wife who has had a severe tiff with her husband, or a student who has flunked in his exams, or a person who is finding difficult to adjust to certain situation. How can you console someone who has lost his riches, or a relation?
How can you talk about positive attitude to a person who is helplessly witnessing his breaking relation with his near ones?
Talking about finding some purpose behind it or talking about positivity or letting the all mighty take over doesn’t solve the problems .Rather the sufferer gets the idea that other person is being superficial or offering only lip service. He doesn’t realize the efforts the other person is making to pull him out of the tricky situations or trying to give him some solace through his verbal support.
But such are the ways of life. And at such times I really wonder what is the point in having a Be positive attitude if it becomes a stumbling block in keeping relations

IS SHE GUILTY????

A lady was cleaning the room with a disinfectant, and suddenly she rushed to open the door leaving the bottle on the floor itself. Her 1 year old child waking up from his sleep came running and without realizing what is in the bottle drank it. And as expected he became sick and succumbed to death because of the poisonous chemical which he had taken by mistake
The whole family, relatives and neighborhood blamed the mother, called her various names, and left no stones unturned to make her life miserable because a life was lost because of her carelessness.

Even the mother was blaming her self and admitting the responsibilty for the loss of her child and she was ready for any punishment either by the law or the society itself. She was completely shattered

But the husband stood like a rock behind his wife, like a pillar on her side and like a punch bag absorbing the shock which was being meted out his wife. Someone asked him, how he can be so cool, forgiving and generous towards his wife who was responsible for the loss of his only child?

I was stunned by the reply given by the husband and I would like to share it with all. He said, “How can I say anything to her,
1. This was not her fault at all. She was not aware that the child will wake up and will drink the disinfectant.
2. No parent in his/her senses would consciously or even unconsciously do something which will cost his /her child’s life. It is not a question whether it is the only child or one amongst many. She did not do this intentionally.
3. She is already suffering. It is not that she is happy with what has happened. By abusing her or calling her names or making her feel guilty why increase her pain more?
4. Her loss is more than anyone else’s. her loss is inconsolable She is the mother. She has lost her child. Nothing in the world can compensate for the loss .She has to bear the pain all through her life. I will go to office and under pressure of my work I will overcome the grief but she will be at home the whole day. She will be the one who will have to take care of all his things, toys, his personal belongings etc. she will be missing him more than any one else.
5. We are a family. We both have lost our child and it is a joint pain which we both have to come to terms with. We have taken the vows to be with each other in all walks of life so how can I desert her at this stage when she needs my support the most? So how can I or any one blame her”

I would say hats off to such an understanding, caring and loving husband.

God forbids any thing similar happens in our life then how many of us would have thought in these lines? I am sure most of us would jump at the first chance to blame someone for anything which doesn’t give us satisfaction or which causes pain to us. It is so easy to relive oneself from shouldering the responsibility and make some innocent persons guilty

It is a very common to find husbands blaming their wives for anything that happens in the house, be it child’s failure, business loss, sickness in the family or any other crisis. The wife is held responsible for all the mishappenings in the family BUT rarely she will be praised or her contribution would be acknowledged if something commendable happens in the family.

Why don’t they realize that no woman/wife/mother will do anything which would be detrimental to the peace of the family? She will neither obstruct the growth of her loved ones nor will she ever dream of causing pain to any family member.

I think we must all learn a lesson from this gentleman who deserves a standing ovation for his thoughtfulness, his humane nature, his considerate and positive attitude and his feelings for his wife.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

“Friends are like Crayons, I may not be your favourite colour, but hope that you will need me somewhere to complete your picture” or “Friends are of two types. One says, “If you need anything, I will be there and other says,” You will never need anything, as long as I am here.”
Hundreds of such messages are doing their rounds all over. And my cellphone is already full with similar forwards.
Not only that, all the gifts shops, road side stalls are decorated with friendship bands, caps, teddy bears, rings, neck pieces all shouting with the same slogan “WE ARE FRIENDS”
Since morning I have been seeing school and college students proudly flaunting their arms adorned with multicolored bands, their shirts, t-shirts, their faces with friendship messages.
All over it is a festive occasion. Yes it is FRIENDSHIP DAY tomorrow. But celebrations have already started and it will go on till Monday, the big day being a holiday.
Seeing all this I went into flashback .During my days ( how I hate using this word my days or my times, this makes me sound old, belonging to old generation ,being the culprit of causing generation gap rifts with my children ). But can’t help it, if I want to refer to my college days, it surely seems centuries away to present day youth.
Any ways I am drifting away from my basic thoughts. So in my college days we never had such days---- rose day, sari day, mix and match day, funky days, Chocolate days, friendship days etc etc. Does it mean I didn’t enjoy my college days or I didn’t have friends? Or my friends were not sure of my friendship or my feeling towards them?
I don’t think so. We had our own way of showing our feelings,. Taking care of the other person, sharing secrets, keeping their feelings and experiences with opposite sex to ourselves, being a part of their infatuations, their flings, their adventures and also hiding all of this from their other friends or family members and also being the best critic of the friend, all came as a package with being close a particular friend.
We never tied bands or had such celebrations but we did have lots of friends at that time and I am still in touch with some of them even after so many years.

For me a friend is not the one who meets you daily, talks to you for hours together but the one who even if not present physically with you still gives you the confidence that you can turn to him whenever the need arises. moreoever it is not necessary that you share same likes and dislikes , have same set of friends But what is important is that you have the assurance that you can pour your heart out to him without his passing any value judgement of your thoughts or acts and who can help you see the right path by guiding you on it.

I also think that age or sex is not a bar in considering someone as one's friend. For me platonic relations do exist between opposite sex. rather friendhip between opposite sex devoid of any sexual feelings is most honest relation( The so called society may look down upon such friendship)

I have heard many people say my sibling is my best friend or my spouse is my best friend. I wonder does a wife tie a band on her husband’s wrist or vice versa( as many say that they want their spouse to be their best friend, although I have my own reservations and views on this topic)?

But seeing the excitement around I also wish that I also had similar trend during my college days. I just love the way the students are enjoying, endorsing their feelings of friendship with hugs, bands, gifts, tattoos, necklaces, rings, shirts, bags. The list is unending.

I may also go out and buy some bands and tie them on my whole lot of friends. but this is sure I am going to send tons of sms to all my friends ( not the forwarded ones but I will write something of my own) reminding them that I AM YOUR FRIEND. YOU CAN TURN TO ME WHEN EVER YOU WANT.

I so much want to tie this band on someone’s wrist who has always considered me to be her friend (and I also reciprocate the same feeling). If by tying this band I am able to convince her that I am still the same with the same feelings, emotions, and am very honoured that she also considers me to be her best friend and Because I consider myself to be her friend,I take the liberty to her be her critic as I want only the best for her.

But as I will not be able to have the formal tying ceremony so through this post I want to remind her that I am always there for you in your good times or bad times, I am a part of you in your happier moods or phases of depression and I don’t mind your fits of anger because I take it with a positive attitude that because you feel close to me that is why you let go yourself in front of me

All my blogging pals I do share a special bond of friendship with you all and I miss all those blogging friends and their reflections who by some or the other reason fail to comment on my posts
Hey friends just remember that your visit on my blog and leaving your footprints enriches my life

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY TO MY SPECIAL FRIEND AND TO ALL MY BLOGGER BUDDIES

GOD!!!!!!!!! PLEASE CLEAR MY DOUBTS

Last week visited Shirdi and a Jain temple in Nashik
1. In Shirdi after waiting for hours in a long queue as soon as we entered the main temple finally saw the divine face of Sai Baba smiling at all of us. Again after waiting for quite long in the crawling queue, finally managed to reach near the serenely seated Baba. But what is this? I was there only for just a second when the Pujari pushed me ‘” go ahead let others come”. I told him that after waiting for hours, at least let me quench my thirst of his darshan. Please allow me to stand for a few more seconds. But No, I was pushed by the Pujari from one side and the impatient crowd from the other side and I was literally thrown out. I just wondered, what was the point in waiting for so long if I was not allowed to even fold my hands or bow down to him or touch his platform. I didn’t drive all the way from Mumbai to Shirdi just to wait and get pushed out. I have heard similar is the case in Tirupati Balaji, Shrinathji or many other such famous temples. Many from the crowd were complaining about this but no one had the courage to raise their voice or do something about it. And like so many others I just meekly walked out and thanked God and my stars that I could alteast touch the very ground where Sai baba had spent his life and which is considered to be God’s abode on earth.

2. On my way back to Mumbai we visited Gajpanta, a Jain pilgrimage. Enduring heavy rains, chilly winds, aching knees but with excitement to be the first one (we were a group of 17 family members) to reach the top I climbed a mountain which had 435 steps (only). I forgot to mention this is a holy place where it is believed millions of saints attained salvation. After reaching the top and doing darshan of centuries old idol of Bhagwan I noticed that many devotees had offered rice, fruits, almonds etc to the God,( this is a commong practice in all jain or Hindu temples where devotees place sweets, fruits, dry fruits etc in front of the idols of the God.)
but sadly this was all being savored by crows, birds and rats..
I am neither an atheist or I have anything against any religion (I am a very God fearing person and turn to him for even small -small problems of mine and have faith that he will save me from all troubles or tensions of life) but I just wondered
why do we offer fruits, sweets or such eatables in the temples, which either become the lunch of birds or goes into the all ready overflowing personal kitchens of the pujaris.
Why can’t we give all these eatables to some needy person or hungry person to satisfy his hunger?
What is the point in placing food items in front of the idols of God? After all it has all been provided by the almighty himself.
Are we not insulting the God by returning the things which he himself has given to us? Won’t the God be happier with us if we fed his other starving children?
This again brings a thought that, when we say and believe that God is omnipresent, then why do we visit some specific places to be near God
Why can'nt we sit at home , think about him and feel that we are near him, why visit temples or other religious places.
actually this is very confusing as even I visit a temple daily and I feel guilty in the night if by chance I am not able to touch the ground of a God's home on earth that particular day. Not that only, I even walk to various far off temples either to pray for peace of mind or thank God when ever something good happens in my life. but such thoughts do enter my mind that why am I doing this?
why should I go to a particular temple or such place to offer my prayers, Why can't I do that sitting at my home only
but then I suppose this is human tendency to be always in a dilemma
because the ways of God are beyond us.
I find no answers to these questions as whenever I raise these issues with others rather I am condemned, crticised and ridiculed for harboring such thoughts which are anti religion.